![Today a certain someone yelled "I hate you!" to me, but a few hours later came to ask for a good night hug [& there was no explanation or apology, rather an acknowledgement that I guess it's OK to "still want a hug from someone you hate."] I honestly wasn't really offended at all at the comment, but rather frustrated that the request that followed could be made without so much as a second thought. I know that might seem strange to most, but #thestruggleisreal. <br />It's been really new territory for me, being a #fosteradopt mom. I guess I have always felt like we've been blessed with two boys that have always been pretty easy. Sure, there were moments here & there, seasons through these 13 & 16 years of their lives, that I've felt uncertain, frustrated, inadequate...but to be honest, most of the time I have felt rewarded, gratified, and successful as a mom. We've always talked through our frustrations with one another, trusted each others' love, been able to laugh after there's been tension, and been able to say "I'm sorry" & know the other's heart was genuinely contrite & forgiving.<br /><br />The past two years have added many challenging dynamics to my motherhood, my marriage, my physical health, my mental peace, my spiritual faith. I have felt #momfail more times than I can count (definitely more in two years than in the 14 previous), and often daily, a digging deep for grace in light of my myriad manifested shortcomings & failures. It's true. I am admitting it aloud. I'm owning it. I'm processing it. I am leaning into it [well, working on it]. I am not perfect. ðē <br />And so, Here I am. I'm learning to smile differently (inside & out - does that make sense? I guess I mean literally - with this missing tooth - as well as figuratively). I have to dig reeeaaaallllly deep sometimes for that #grace that comes #ONLYFROMJESUS & then I have to hold onto it for dear life (though sometimes, I let it slip a bit, momentarily, you know?).... I'm OK, & I'm thankful, & I'm determined to learn my lesson & continue to grow. It may be hard, & I may smile weird sometimes...ðĪŠððð...but it's ALL good! ð #trusttheprocess<br /><br />I am learning...#letgo & #letGod. #clichebutstilltrue](/img/aHR0cHM6Ly9zY29udGVudC5jZG5pbnN0YWdyYW0uY29tL3YvdDUxLjI4ODUtMTUvNzM1Mjc2NjBfMjMyMjgxNTI0NDE0NTI2XzExMjE5NDAxMjgxMDU0Njc2MzRfbi5qcGc/c3RwPWRzdC1qcGdfZTM1Jl9uY19odD1zY29udGVudC5jZG5pbnN0YWdyYW0uY29tJl9uY19jYXQ9MTA2Jl9uY19vaGM9MjhfSl9WOXhlbHNBYjY5eFNlQyZlZG09QVBzMTdDVUJBQUFBJmNjYj03LTUmb2g9MDBfQWZDc3IzRWNRWE5pR09oalhHak5ocUsyczdLclpBTWVEZUV5dE5tZXk2c005QSZvZT02NjI2QThDOSZfbmNfc2lkPTEwZDEzYg==.jpg)
Today a certain someone yelled "I hate you!" to me, but a few hours later came to ask for a good night hug [& there was no explanation or apology, rather an acknowledgement that I guess it's OK to "still want a hug from someone you hate."] I honestly wasn't really offended at all at the comment, but rather frustrated that the request that followed could be made without so much as a second thought. I know that might seem strange to most, but #thestruggleisreal.
It's been really new territory for me, being a #fosteradopt mom. I guess I have always felt like we've been blessed with two boys that have always been pretty easy. Sure, there were moments here & there, seasons through these 13 & 16 years of their lives, that I've felt uncertain, frustrated, inadequate...but to be honest, most of the time I have felt rewarded, gratified, and successful as a mom. We've always talked through our frustrations with one another, trusted each others' love, been able to laugh after there's been tension, and been able to say "I'm sorry" & know the other's heart was genuinely contrite & forgiving.
The past two years have added many challenging dynamics to my motherhood, my marriage, my physical health, my mental peace, my spiritual faith. I have felt #momfail more times than I can count (definitely more in two years than in the 14 previous), and often daily, a digging deep for grace in light of my myriad manifested shortcomings & failures. It's true. I am admitting it aloud. I'm owning it. I'm processing it. I am leaning into it [well, working on it]. I am not perfect. ðē
And so, Here I am. I'm learning to smile differently (inside & out - does that make sense? I guess I mean literally - with this missing tooth - as well as figuratively). I have to dig reeeaaaallllly deep sometimes for that #grace that comes #ONLYFROMJESUS & then I have to hold onto it for dear life (though sometimes, I let it slip a bit, momentarily, you know?).... I'm OK, & I'm thankful, & I'm determined to learn my lesson & continue to grow. It may be hard, & I may smile weird sometimes...ðĪŠððð...but it's ALL good! ð #trusttheprocess
I am learning... #letgo & #letGod. #clichebutstilltrue