As a parent of a child with special needs, one of the biggest battles we have is within our own heads. Our fears of what the future might hold... This starts from the very early days when we first realise that life will be different, and is compounded when our child receives that diagnosis.
As life goes on, and milestones are reached late or not at all, naturally we start to worry. We fear what life will be like for our kids and for us as a family.
But I can’t stress this strongly enough, spending your time (especially the sleepless nights) living in and worrying about the future is no good for anyone.
It’s nearly 10 years since Jude received his autism diagnosis. 10 years in which there’s been many days where my mind has wandered off, trying to picture what the future holds for him and his younger brother Tommy.
But if I look back ten years, there’s no way I could have predicted how our life would be right now. There’s been progress in areas I never thought possible, and little in other areas that I took for granted would improve.
Back then I could never have guessed how ouch or what support we would receive since, the type of school they would go to, or the relationships they would build with others.
Just like there’s no way I can know their capabilities by the time they leave school in another 8+ years time, or what support they will need, or will be available to them then.
I don’t know if they’ll be able to speak, how well they’ll be able to communicate, or exactly how independent they might be.
If I was to spend my days and nights dreading the future, and the difficulties they might face, all I’d end up doing is ruining the present. I’d be unable to enjoy the good times we’re having now, or cherish those special moments that help us get through the tougher times.
Often I’ve found my mind will wander after the hardest of days, when there’s been meltdowns, anxiety and aggression. Naturally, from that low point the future can look bleak. But not every day is like that, so why would they be like that in the future? Why wouldn’t they be better?
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