My dear widowed mom friend @paustinfleming and I had a wedding ceremony this past New Year’s eve. We weren’t marrying each other. We married ourselves. It was a small ceremony. Just the two of us. (Tween and teens declined the invitation and chose to play video games next door, lol.) We lit a candle. I had a ring; she had a bracelet made of grit pearls. Because beauty grows from grit. I had the ring engraved with “I’m right here,” on the outside (because I forget that Love is here, all the time) and “right now,” on the inside (because that was always my husband’s answer to “What time is it?”). We wrote and read our vows to ourselves.
We wrote from the question What would love tell you? This writing was inspired by @elizabeth_gilbert_writer ‘s practice of writing love letters (not romantic love. every-day-with-you-in-the-hard-stuff-faith-with-boots-on-the-ground love) to herself every day. Every day she reminds herself Love is right here.
My friend and I wrote our vows from this grit-pearl Love. Here’s what Love had to say:
Don’t believe the lie that I’ve left… or am far away,… or hard to find. I didn’t die.
I’m right here.
It’s so easy for you to get pulled away from me. Don’t close the opening. Keep it open: this in-breath, into your heart. Inhale into the open place,
exhale fear.
Inhale love,
exhale fear.
Inhale soft,
exhale hard.
Let me ease the part that is constantly scanning, hypervigilant for more hurt. I am so much bigger than fear.
I got you. You’re safe.
Even when you’re ambivalent, or think I’m dead. Even when you try to drown out my voice, because you just don’t want to feel anymore, I’m still here. I’m in. 100%.
Be scared with me. When you’re afraid, desperate, lonely, reach for me. When you are grieving, reach into the canyon of loss to find me. I’m right there.
When you’re angry, think I’ve abandoned you, go to the “F*ck it” place, I’m with you.
Even when you push me away,
I’m Still Here.
I’m
Not.
Going.
Away.
For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, til death… continues to love.
I love you.
Keep going.
What does love have to say to you?