When someone is in pain, simply being there for them is incredibly healing. It's not about playing the role of a healer or a savior. It's not about fixing things or offering solutions. It's about being fully present.
Why do we often feel the need to intervene and change someone's experience of pain?
1. Discomfort with emotions: If we haven't learned to sit with our own feelings, we struggle to sit with others'. So, we may try to alleviate their pain not for their sake, but to ease our own discomfort.
2. Codependency: If we've been conditioned to minimize distress in others from a young age, we might default to serving, cheering, or pitying them when they're struggling.
3. Coaching culture: In a world where coaching is widespread, we're accustomed to guiding each other towards goals. However, healing often requires simply sitting with pain rather than trying to coach our way out of it.
4. Unresolved trauma: If we carry our own unresolved trauma, witnessing similar experiences or emotions in others can be triggering. We may instinctively try to "change the channel" because we lack the capacity to fully engage with their pain.
True healing occurs when we're able to sit with someone in their darkest moments without trying to change anything. Compassionate presence lightens the burden and makes it easier to bear, even if the pain persists.
The presence or absence of compassionate relationships plays a crucial role in our healing journey. Saying "I am here with you" can immediately lessen the burden. While the pain may not vanish, it becomes more manageable.
Ultimately, healing requires us to do our own inner work and tap into the power of our presence. As more of us learn to relate with compassion and without agenda, we become the support system we desperately need.
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