Everything we try to do in life is harder when we are mean to ourselves. It’s like being stuck in 3rd gear on a flat road. Life gets easier when we have more support, and that includes support from ourselves. If you're wondering how you can do that, check out our free 30 email course called 30 Days To Feeling Good About You to help you build a better relationship with yourself at the link in our bio. • • • #Compassion #SelfCompassion #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Everything we try to do in life is harder when we are mean to ourselves. It’s like being stuck in 3rd gear on a flat road. Life gets easier when we have more support, and that includes support from ourselves. If you're wondering how you can do that, check out our free 30 email course called 30 Days To Feeling Good About You to help you build a better relationship with yourself at the link in our bio. • • • #Compassion #SelfCompassion #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Are you ready to start feeling good about yourself? Loving yourself is the single most important thing you can do to improve your relationships with others and your own experience of life. Our free 30 day course will help you build a better relationship with yourself — which has a fringe benefit of improving your relationships with others. This email course includes video, guided meditation, and reading. Sign on our website in our bio! • • • #EmailCourse #EmailSeries #FreeCourse #FreeResource #SelfConfidence #SelfCompassion #GaySelfLove #LGBTQSelfLove #SelfWorth #SelfRegard #PositiveSelfRegard #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Here’s the secret that most good LGBTQ affirming therapists deeply understand: compassion is the engine of positive change. Compassion for ourselves does not make us self centered. In fact it has the opposite effect. It makes us more empathic towards others. • • • #Compassion #SelfCompassion #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
These negative thoughts are coming from your Inner Critic. I want you to start thinking of your Inner Critic as a separate individual inside of you. The Critic’s job is to judge you and keep you small. While the Inner Critic is universally destructive and squeezes joy from many lives, its intention is to be a helpful force. It is there to protect. It shames you in an attempt to shield you from experiencing even worse humiliation from external sources. Unfortunately, while trying to help, it becomes abusive. • • • #Compassion #SelfCompassion #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
When your Inner Critic pops up, ask yourself: "Is there anything about this critique that is true?" If so, own it. Acknowledge that truth and let the sadness or loss come up. Then respond with something like: • "Maybe I should be more X, but today I am doing the best I can." • "Maybe I should do X, but I need more help to do that." • "Maybe I am a little X, but I am working on this." • "Yes, I do X sometimes, but not all the time." With these responses you are engaging the defense. You are letting the Critic get heard but then gently redirecting your focus to a more compassionate viewpoint. • • • #SelfConfidence #SelfCompassion #GaySelfLove #LGBTQSelfLove #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Shame is a near universal experience for LGBTQ people. Working with a LGBTQ therapist is a profound way to heal from shame. I founded the Gay Therapy Center in 2015 because I knew from my own experience that it can be especially healing and powerful to work with a therapist who shares part of your own LGBTQ identity. • • • #Shame #SexualShame #InternalizedHomophobia #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQTherapy #GayTherapy #GayTherapist #GayMentalHealth #Healing #InnerChild #InnerChildWork #InnerChildHealing #SelfTalk #NegativeSelfTalk #SelfLove #SelfCompassion #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist shrinkit.stealit's profile picture
Loving yourself is not self-indulgent. It doesn’t mean you stop loving and caring about others. It just means adding yourself to your inner circle of loved ones. • • • #Compassion #SelfCompassion #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Good relationships are an inside job. That means your relationships will get better when you know more about yourself and how to care for your emotions. Until you are ready for therapy, here are some ideas that will help you practice getting closer to people in a way that feels safe enough. And some of these practices might get you started on a path to a better relationship with yourself, which leads to better relationships with others. • • • #SelfConfidence #SelfCompassion #GaySelfLove #LGBTQSelfLove #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Are you ready to start feeling good about yourself? Loving yourself is the single most important thing you can do to improve your relationships with others and your own experience of life. Our free 30 day course will help you build a better relationship with yourself — which has a fringe benefit of improving your relationships with others. This email course includes video, guided meditation, and reading. Sign on our website in our bio! • • • #EmailCourse #EmailSeries #FreeCourse #FreeResource #SelfConfidence #SelfCompassion #GaySelfLove #LGBTQSelfLove #SelfWorth #SelfRegard #PositiveSelfRegard #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
My suggestion? Spend some quality time with yourself by going for a walk once a week for twenty minutes or more. You must go alone to get the benefit. You already know that you are supposed to spend quality time with your partner if you have one. But did you know you are supposed to spend quality time with yourself as well? Walking makes it easier to listen. If you have a problem you can walk it out. Solutions appear. This process of discovery has been tested by humans for centuries and we used to call it “pilgrimage.” • • • #QualityTime #AloneTime #TimeAlone #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
The Inner Critic's job is to judge you and keep you small. The Critic believes the best path to receiving love and support is to follow a rigid and limiting set of rules. Those rules, which were helpful when you were a child, are no longer useful to you as an adult. Take the quiz on our website to learn more about how strong your personal inner critic is. • • • #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Whether or not you decide you need the help of a therapist, I encourage you throughout your life to track yourself so that you won’t miss what is really going on. Become a compassionate friend to that child within because you can never have too many good friends. Begin to challenge the misguided part of you that believes you are “less than” because that part of you is operating from a reality that no longer exists. • • • #InnerChild #InnerChildWork #InnerChildHealing #SelfTalk #NegativeSelfTalk #SelfLove #SelfCompassion #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
You might be surprised when you start paying closer attention to the words and tone of your inner voice. For many people that voice can be downright nasty. Some folks are pestered by an inner voice demanding perfection. Other people carry the voice of a critical parent, a snarky classmate from high school, or a bossy sibling. One of the first steps in creating a better life is noticing and naming this inner critic. By paying attention to when it comes up and identifying the words and tone, we can start the process of gaining distance from it. We can’t change these thoughts until we know they are there. • • • #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Self compassion is not the same as “poor me.” That’s a form of pity that only depletes our energy. Self compassion is the understanding that at any given point in your life you did the best that you could given the hand you were dealt and the level of awareness and skill you had at that time. Compassion mobilizes energy and is a source of personal courage, whereas self criticism shuts us down, makes us tight and fearful, or leads to destructive rebellion from the negative messages. • • • #SelfCompassion #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
You deserve to be treated with respect. It can be hard to notice when other people treat you badly when you're in the habit of being mean to yourself (even if it's unconscious). One of the first steps in creating a better life is noticing and naming this inner critic. By paying attention to when it comes up and identifying the words and tone, we can start the process of gaining distance from it. We can’t change these thoughts until we know they are there. • • • #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Are you ready to start feeling good about yourself? Loving yourself is the single most important thing you can do to improve your relationships with others and your own experience of life. Our free 30 day course will help you build a better relationship with yourself — which has a fringe benefit of improving your relationships with others. This email course includes video, guided meditation, and reading. Sign on our website in our bio! • • • #EmailCourse #EmailSeries #FreeCourse #FreeResource #SelfConfidence #SelfCompassion #GaySelfLove #LGBTQSelfLove #SelfWorth #SelfRegard #PositiveSelfRegard #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
The depression comes from not feeling it. For most of us, depression literally means depressing a feeling. Depression can last for days or weeks, but the underlying feeling of sadness or anger comes and goes quickly when you actually feel it.* Each time we really acknowledge the underlying more vulnerable feelings, the depression or sadness begins to lift. Intellectually acknowledging it helps a little. But really feeling it in our hearts is where the permanent change occurs. That’s when we will no longer get depressed during the holidays. *Please note that this post is about the kind of mild depression that most people feel a few times per year, for a couple of days or a couple of weeks. There are other kinds of depression, such as depression due to the death of a loved one, or depression due to chemicals in the brain, or from other internal conflicts that can last longer, be more intense, and are not the subject of this post. • • • #HolidayDepression #HolidayDepression #SeasonalDepression #SeasonalAffectiveDisorder #HolidayBlues #HolidayCheer #FamilyDynamics #FamilyDysfunction #AttachmentStyle #AttachmentNeeds #AttachmentFigure #AttachmentWounds #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Loving yourself is not self-indulgent. It doesn’t mean you stop loving and caring about others. It just means adding yourself to your inner circle of loved ones. • • • #Compassion #SelfCompassion #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Even if your parents weren’t so great for much of your childhood, if you had just a taste of that passionate five-year-old love, you end up longing for its return. Even if today you know intellectually that you’ll never get that love from them, and that most of you doesn’t even want it anymore, the longing is still there. And that longing can get triggered by idealized family holidays like Christmas or Hanukah. • • • #HolidayDepression #HolidayDepression #SeasonalDepression #SeasonalAffectiveDisorder #HolidayBlues #HolidayCheer #FamilyDynamics #FamilyDysfunction #AttachmentStyle #AttachmentNeeds #AttachmentFigure #AttachmentWounds #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
The Inner Critic doesn’t realize that you’re now grown up with plenty of resources to defend yourself, and that the risk of physical violence and public shaming has been reduced significantly since you were a child. The Inner Critic was born during an earlier, scarier time. It operates like the war is still going on, long after a truce has been called. • • • #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Everything we try to do in life is harder when we are mean to ourselves. It’s like being stuck in 3rd gear on a flat road. Life gets easier when we have more support, and that includes support from ourselves. • • • #SelfAcceptance #AcceptYourself #HaveYourOwnBack #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
The word compassion sometimes evokes eye rolling. For some, it brings up images of overly entitled people who expect to be easily forgiven for bad behavior. Or, when we are reminded to direct compassion towards ourselves, we might think: “I’m just being a baby and I need to get over myself.” But here’s the secret that most good LGBTQ affirming therapists deeply understand: compassion is the engine of positive change. Compassion for ourselves does not make us self centered. In fact it has the opposite effect. It makes us more empathic towards others. • • • #Compassion #SelfCompassion #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
When you live in congruence with your values your feeling of integrity increases. For example, one of your values may be that you think it is important that you have good honest talks with your closest friend or your sibling or your aunt. You can focus your attention on being congruent with that value by making the time to open up, share, and listen to that person. The trick is to disengage from the all consuming focus of winning the achievement game. What if you focused on making a connection rather than an impression? Would that be more consistent with your values? • • • #Values #ValuesMatter #CoreValues #Comparison #SocialPressure #Achievements #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Compassion is the engine of positive change. Compassion for ourselves does not make us self centered. In fact it has the opposite effect. It makes us more empathic towards others. • • • #Compassion #SelfCompassion #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
My suggestion? Spend some quality time with yourself by going for a walk once a week for twenty minutes or more. You must go alone to get the benefit. You already know that you are supposed to spend quality time with your partner if you have one. But did you know you are supposed to spend quality time with yourself as well? Walking makes it easier to listen. If you have a problem you can walk it out. Solutions appear. This process of discovery has been tested by humans for centuries and we used to call it “pilgrimage.” • • • #QualityTime #AloneTime #TimeAlone #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Everything we try to do in life is harder when we are mean to ourselves. It’s like being stuck in 3rd gear on a flat road. Life gets easier when we have more support, and that includes support from ourselves. If you're wondering how you can do that, check out our free 30 email course called 30 Days To Feeling Good About You to help you build a better relationship with yourself at the link in our bio. • • • #Compassion #SelfCompassion #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Good relationships are an inside job. That means your relationships will get better when you know more about yourself and how to care for your emotions. Until you are ready for therapy, here are some ideas that will help you practice getting closer to people in a way that feels safe enough. And some of these practices might get you started on a path to a better relationship with yourself, which leads to better relationships with others. • • • #SelfConfidence #SelfCompassion #GaySelfLove #LGBTQSelfLove #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Everything we try to do in life is harder when we are mean to ourselves. It’s like being stuck in 3rd gear on a flat road. Life gets easier when we have more support, and that includes support from ourselves. Noticing this automatic habit of self-talk is step one in personal growth. Once you get to know this voice–I call it the “Inner Critic”–then you have a chance to change its words and tone. • • • #SelfAcceptance #AcceptYourself #HaveYourOwnBack #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Are you ready to start feeling good about yourself? Loving yourself is the single most important thing you can do to improve your relationships with others and your own experience of life. Our free 30 day course will help you build a better relationship with yourself — which has a fringe benefit of improving your relationships with others. This email course includes video, guided meditation, and reading. Sign up at the link in the bio. • • • #SelfConfidence #SelfCompassion #GaySelfLove #LGBTQSelfLove #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Here’s the secret that most good LGBTQ affirming therapists deeply understand: compassion is the engine of positive change. Compassion for ourselves does not make us self centered. In fact it has the opposite effect. It makes us more empathic towards others. • • • #Compassion #SelfCompassion #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Shame is a near universal experience for LGBTQ people. Working with a LGBTQ therapist is a profound way to heal from shame. I founded the Gay Therapy Center in 2015 because I knew from my own experience that it can be especially healing and powerful to work with a therapist who shares part of your own LGBTQ identity. • • • #Shame #SexualShame #InternalizedHomophobia #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQTherapy #GayTherapy #GayTherapist #GayMentalHealth #Healing #InnerChild #InnerChildWork #InnerChildHealing #SelfTalk #NegativeSelfTalk #SelfLove #SelfCompassion #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist
Whether or not you decide you need the help of a therapist, I encourage you throughout your life to track yourself so that you won’t miss what is really going on. Become a compassionate friend to that child within because you can never have too many good friends. Begin to challenge the misguided part of you that believes you are “less than” because that part of you is operating from a reality that no longer exists. • • • #InnerChild #InnerChildWork #InnerChildHealing #SelfTalk #NegativeSelfTalk #SelfLove #SelfCompassion #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
When your Inner Critic pops up, ask yourself: "Is there anything about this critique that is true?" If so, own it. Acknowledge that truth and let the sadness or loss come up. Then respond with something like: • "Maybe I should be more X, but today I am doing the best I can." • "Maybe I should do X, but I need more help to do that." • "Maybe I am a little X, but I am working on this." • "Yes, I do X sometimes, but not all the time." With these responses you are engaging the defense. You are letting the Critic get heard but then gently redirecting your focus to a more compassionate viewpoint. • • • #SelfConfidence #SelfCompassion #GaySelfLove #LGBTQSelfLove #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
The Inner Critic doesn’t realize that you’re now grown up with plenty of resources to defend yourself, and that the risk of physical violence and public shaming has been reduced significantly since you were a child. The Inner Critic was born during an earlier, scarier time. It operates like the war is still going on, long after a truce has been called. • • • #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
I founded the Gay Therapy Center in 2015 because I knew from my own experience that it can be especially healing and powerful to work with a therapist who shares part of your own LGBTQ identity. We’ve become the largest private provider of LGBTQ-affirmative therapy with offices in San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York, Washington, DC, and worldwide via video conferencing. • • • #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Good relationships are an inside job. That means your relationships will get better when you know more about yourself and how to care for your emotions. Until you are ready for therapy, here are some ideas that will help you practice getting closer to people in a way that feels safe enough. And some of these practices might get you started on a path to a better relationship with yourself, which leads to better relationships with others. • • • #SelfConfidence #SelfCompassion #GaySelfLove #LGBTQSelfLove #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Loving yourself is not self-indulgent. It doesn’t mean you stop loving and caring about others. It just means adding yourself to your inner circle of loved ones. • • • #Compassion #SelfCompassion #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
When your Inner Critic pops up, ask yourself: "Is there anything about this critique that is true?" If so, own it. Acknowledge that truth and let the sadness or loss come up. Then respond with something like: • "Maybe I should be more X, but today I am doing the best I can." • "Maybe I should do X, but I need more help to do that." • "Maybe I am a little X, but I am working on this." • "Yes, I do X sometimes, but not all the time." With these responses you are engaging the defense. You are letting the Critic get heard but then gently redirecting your focus to a more compassionate viewpoint. • • • #SelfConfidence #SelfCompassion #GaySelfLove #LGBTQSelfLove #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Most people are really mean to themselves. If you take the time to examine how you speak to yourself, you might notice this. Everything we try to do in life is harder when we are mean to ourselves. It’s like being stuck in 3rd gear on a flat road. Life gets easier when we have more support, and that includes support from ourselves. • • • #Compassion #SelfCompassion #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Everything we try to do in life is harder when we are mean to ourselves. It’s like being stuck in 3rd gear on a flat road. Life gets easier when we have more support, and that includes support from ourselves. Noticing this automatic habit of self-talk is step one in personal growth. Once you get to know this voice–I call it the “Inner Critic”–then you have a chance to change its words and tone. • • • #SelfAcceptance #AcceptYourself #HaveYourOwnBack #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Are you ready to start feeling good about yourself? Loving yourself is the single most important thing you can do to improve your relationships with others and your own experience of life. Our free 30 day course will help you build a better relationship with yourself — which has a fringe benefit of improving your relationships with others. This email course includes video, guided meditation, and reading. Sign on our website in our bio! • • • #EmailCourse #EmailSeries #FreeCourse #FreeResource #SelfConfidence #SelfCompassion #GaySelfLove #LGBTQSelfLove #SelfWorth #SelfRegard #PositiveSelfRegard #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
One of the first steps in creating a better life is noticing and naming this inner critic. By paying attention to when it comes up and identifying the words and tone, we can start the process of gaining distance from it. We can’t change these thoughts until we know they are there. Once we get good at noticing this critical voice we can begin to respond to it more effectively. In fact, we can strive to follow this rule: each thought about ourselves must pass all three of these tests before we let it in. • • • #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
My suggestion? Spend some quality time with yourself by going for a walk once a week for twenty minutes or more. You must go alone to get the benefit. You already know that you are supposed to spend quality time with your partner if you have one. But did you know you are supposed to spend quality time with yourself as well? Walking makes it easier to listen. If you have a problem you can walk it out. Solutions appear. This process of discovery has been tested by humans for centuries and we used to call it “pilgrimage.” • • • #QualityTime #AloneTime #TimeAlone #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Loving yourself is not self-indulgent. It doesn’t mean you stop loving and caring about others. It just means adding yourself to your inner circle of loved ones. • • • #Compassion #SelfCompassion #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
One of the first steps in creating a better life is noticing and naming this inner critic. By paying attention to when it comes up and identifying the words and tone, we can start the process of gaining distance from it. We can’t change these thoughts until we know they are there. Once we get good at noticing this critical voice we can begin to respond to it more effectively. In fact, we can strive to follow this rule: each thought about ourselves must pass all three of these tests before we let it in. • • • #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Are you ready to start feeling good about yourself? Loving yourself is the single most important thing you can do to improve your relationships with others and your own experience of life. Our free 30 day course will help you build a better relationship with yourself — which has a fringe benefit of improving your relationships with others. This email course includes video, guided meditation, and reading. Sign on our website in our bio! • • • #EmailCourse #EmailSeries #FreeCourse #FreeResource #SelfConfidence #SelfCompassion #GaySelfLove #LGBTQSelfLove #SelfWorth #SelfRegard #PositiveSelfRegard #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
The word compassion sometimes evokes eye rolling. For some, it brings up images of overly entitled people who expect to be easily forgiven for bad behavior. Or, when we are reminded to direct compassion towards ourselves, we might think: “I’m just being a baby and I need to get over myself.” But here’s the secret that most good LGBTQ affirming therapists deeply understand: compassion is the engine of positive change. Compassion for ourselves does not make us self centered. In fact it has the opposite effect. It makes us more empathic towards others. • • • #Compassion #SelfCompassion #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
When you live in congruence with your values your feeling of integrity increases. For example, one of your values may be that you think it is important that you have good honest talks with your closest friend or your sibling or your aunt. You can focus your attention on being congruent with that value by making the time to open up, share, and listen to that person. The trick is to disengage from the all consuming focus of winning the achievement game. What if you focused on making a connection rather than an impression? Would that be more consistent with your values? • • • #Values #ValuesMatter #CoreValues #Comparison #SocialPressure #Achievements #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Everything we try to do in life is harder when we are mean to ourselves. It’s like being stuck in 3rd gear on a flat road. Life gets easier when we have more support, and that includes support from ourselves. If you're wondering how you can do that, check out our free 30 email course called 30 Days To Feeling Good About You to help you build a better relationship with yourself at the link in our bio. • • • #Compassion #SelfCompassion #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Shame is a near universal experience for LGBTQ people. Working with a LGBTQ therapist is a profound way to heal from shame. I founded the Gay Therapy Center in 2015 because I knew from my own experience that it can be especially healing and powerful to work with a therapist who shares part of your own LGBTQ identity. • • • #Shame #SexualShame #InternalizedHomophobia #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQTherapy #GayTherapy #GayTherapist #GayMentalHealth #Healing #InnerChild #InnerChildWork #InnerChildHealing #SelfTalk #NegativeSelfTalk #SelfLove #SelfCompassion #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist
Imagine how sweet life would be if you enjoyed a great relationship with you. Picture going through life knowing that you could always count on you being there for you. It’s such a simple concept, yet so powerful. When you accept yourself, you become more fully alive. You become whole. And that feels really, really good. • • • #PeoplePleasing #SelfEsteem #Compassion #SelfCompassion #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Loving yourself is not self-indulgent. It doesn’t mean you stop loving and caring about others. It just means adding yourself to your inner circle of loved ones. • • • #Compassion #SelfCompassion #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
When your Inner Critic pops up, ask yourself: "Is there anything about this critique that is true?" If so, own it. Acknowledge that truth and let the sadness or loss come up. Then respond with something like: • "Maybe I should be more X, but today I am doing the best I can." • "Maybe I should do X, but I need more help to do that." • "Maybe I am a little X, but I am working on this." • "Yes, I do X sometimes, but not all the time." With these responses you are engaging the defense. You are letting the Critic get heard but then gently redirecting your focus to a more compassionate viewpoint. • • • #SelfConfidence #SelfCompassion #GaySelfLove #LGBTQSelfLove #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Loving yourself is the single most important thing you can do to improve your relationships with others and your own experience of life. Remember, self-love is not self-indulgent. It doesn’t mean you stop loving and caring about others. It just means adding yourself to your inner circle of loved ones. If you're wondering how the heck to do that, check out our free 30 email course called 30 Days To Feeling Good About You to help you build a better relationship with yourself at the link in our bio. • • • #Compassion #SelfCompassion #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
My suggestion? Spend some quality time with yourself by going for a walk once a week for twenty minutes or more. You must go alone to get the benefit. You already know that you are supposed to spend quality time with your partner if you have one. But did you know you are supposed to spend quality time with yourself as well? Walking makes it easier to listen. If you have a problem you can walk it out. Solutions appear. This process of discovery has been tested by humans for centuries and we used to call it “pilgrimage.” • • • #QualityTime #AloneTime #TimeAlone #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Loving yourself is not self-indulgent. It doesn’t mean you stop loving and caring about others. It just means adding yourself to your inner circle of loved ones. • • • #Compassion #SelfCompassion #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Even if your parents weren’t so great for much of your childhood, if you had just a taste of that passionate five-year-old love, you end up longing for its return. Even if today you know intellectually that you’ll never get that love from them, and that most of you doesn’t even want it anymore, the longing is still there. And that longing can get triggered by idealized family holidays like Christmas or Hanukah. • • • #HolidayDepression #HolidayDepression #SeasonalDepression #SeasonalAffectiveDisorder #HolidayBlues #HolidayCheer #FamilyDynamics #FamilyDysfunction #AttachmentStyle #AttachmentNeeds #AttachmentFigure #AttachmentWounds #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Everything we try to do in life is harder when we are mean to ourselves. It’s like being stuck in 3rd gear on a flat road. Life gets easier when we have more support, and that includes support from ourselves. • • • #SelfAcceptance #AcceptYourself #HaveYourOwnBack #InnerCritic #GayInnerCritic #LGBTQChildhood #LGBTQInnerCritic #SelfWorth #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
Are you ready to start feeling good about yourself? Loving yourself is the single most important thing you can do to improve your relationships with others and your own experience of life. Our free 30 day course will help you build a better relationship with yourself — which has a fringe benefit of improving your relationships with others. This email course includes video, guided meditation, and reading. Sign on our website in our bio! • • • #EmailCourse #EmailSeries #FreeCourse #FreeResource #SelfConfidence #SelfCompassion #GaySelfLove #LGBTQSelfLove #SelfWorth #SelfRegard #PositiveSelfRegard #FeelingWorthy #LGBTQSelfWorth #SelfCriticism #InnerCritic #InnerCriticBeGone #SelfValidation #GayTherapy #GayMentalHealth #GayTherapist #LGBTQTherapist #LGBTQMentalHealth #GayInnerCritic #CaliforniaTherapist #NewYorkTherapist #DCTherapist
The depression comes from not feeling it. For most of us, depression literally means depressing a feeling. Depression can last for days or weeks, but the underlying feeling of sadness or anger comes and goes quickly when you actually feel it.* Each time we really acknowledge the underlying more vulnerable feelings, the depression or sadness begins to lift. Intellectually acknowledging it helps a little. But really feeling it in our hearts is where the permanent change occurs. That’s when we will no longer get depressed during the holidays. *Please note that this post is about the kind of mild depression that most people feel a few times per year, for a couple of days or a couple of weeks. There are other kinds of depression, such as depression due to the death of a loved one, or depression due to chemicals in the brain, or from other internal conflicts that can last longer, be more intense, and are not the subject of this post.
Even if your parents weren’t so great for much of your childhood, if you had just a taste of that passionate five-year-old love, you end up longing for its return. Even if today you know intellectually that you’ll never get that love from them, and that most of you doesn’t even want it anymore, the longing is still there. And that longing can get triggered by idealized family holidays like Christmas or Hanukah.
Loving yourself is not self-indulgent. It doesn’t mean you stop loving and caring about others. It just means adding yourself to your inner circle of loved ones.
Compassion is the engine of positive change. Compassion for ourselves does not make us self centered. In fact it has the opposite effect. It makes us more empathic towards others.