A first edition released! So now it’s time to leave Melbourne, a nice enough place, but very quiet (yes that’s code for boring)—and to head back to… But first, I have a serious question for the Brits. How do you live here year round? If I were to give this month a rhyming nickname it’d be Grey May. And for everyone else, is it just me or is a life spent shivering under grey skies somewhat (entirely) unappealing? Is there a psychological condition whereby one HAS to live in a warm climate? Or is temperature trumped by having friends, jobs, roots in the one place continuously? Give me blue skies and searing heat any day, and every day. Though I imagine I won’t find either where I’m off to next… #theauthorinmelbourne #joshsignbook #theauthorinlondon
When my ass was 29 years old, and fast approaching 30, I swore to the gods and myself that once I hit that horrible milestone I wouldn’t live by any means other than my brain. Since acting on that promise—and fleeing to Southeast Asia when I was 29.75—I’ve spent days eating nothing but hot dogs boiled in kettles, weeks living in $8 Cambodian hotel-dungeons, months not saying an English word out loud. And now here I am. Older, slightly wiser, much more wrinklier. But working on my latest novel in the very beer garden in which that youth’s vow was so long ago made. My novels, though varied in story, ultimately contain one message: Audacity. Set out before you are ready. The shore is dull, and you should learn how to swim IN the ocean. Adversity breeds creativity. Whatever the craft you’re setting out to learn, your technique will end up precisely attuned to what you need to accomplish. You will soon enough become truly yourself, and irreplaceable. Your real life might seem a ways off, and that ways WILL for long stretches be hot-dog-kettle crap. But you mustn’t let the fact that it is distant prevent you from setting out. And you mustn’t let the easy immediacy of the lives you don’t want deter you from the work that will lead you to the life you do. Because at the end of this your one odyssey, you shall be unfathomably sadder for having had always a living without a life, than a life without a living… #joshwritemotivation #joshwritebook #thursdaymotivation #selfiewanker #audacity #theauthorinlondon #theauthorincambodia
7 years ago I set out to write the first ever comedy novel. In order to save to be able to go off and write that book I worked in a pub. That novel got written, I set part of it IN said pub, and when the novel was released it launched my career. Exquisite Hours wasn’t yet a full-blown comedy novel, so I tried again—and the world got the preposterous anger that is Grieve. After a brief interlude, and the actual living of a comedy novel when I “taught creativity” at a wellness retreat, I wrote another novel, but one which again was more novel than sitcom. But 2 years ago… 2 years ago I conceived THE ultimate comedy novel—a sitcom in prose, throughout which the jokes themselves write the story. I’m about to finish & release that novel, but before I could undertake its very final rewrite I had to make sure that its sequel—its Season Two—was meticulously planned out. And today, not less than an hour ago, I finished that plan, of that consummate comedy novel, IN the very pub in which I worked in order to write the very 1st comedy novel. Oh the perfect circularity! The Peter File—the first ever sitcom in prose—is now not only ready to be rewritten one last time, but has its second season ready to be written shortly thereafter as well. #theauthorinlondon #thepeterfile #comedynovel #joshwritebook #exquisitehours #battersea
Bless London in the springtime. (Bless it more in the summer, when the wind doesn’t quite hurt so much.) But bless it in the springtime too. When walks around the park and tales in gardens are the most delightful activities imaginable. #theauthorinlondon #cantfeelmyfingers #batterseapark #springhassprung
London, London, London… The scene of so much rain in the torrential life of Josh Write Book, and the only place in which I’ve spent more time than I have in Vietnam. My last 2 forays into London life were a protracted lockdown then a winter lockdown. And upon return, a constant effort to maintain mobility in my freezing, freezing cold hands. But chiefly, a trip to replenish the wardrobe after 6 months of buying shirts from Mexican ladies’ front gates, and—oh yes I almost forgot the ‘and’—AND to proof and launch the next comedy novel! From the very city to which I moved all those years ago to get my very first novel published. Now to just figure out how stay out of the pub for long enough to get some bleedin’ work done… #theauthorinlondon #waxedexceedingmighty #joshwritebook #comedynovel #thepeterfile #stealthisnovel
Zeus Bless England! The UK is finally spearheading the return of at least some semblance of sanity to the world—and come February nobody who can scientifically prove they do not have bovid will be treated as though they do, or as though they might. While in my home country, I would have to pay thousands of dollars to spend 2 weeks in a prison cell (without even the hour-a-day of exercise that child-rapists are allowed) AFTER scientifically proving that I do not have bovid—and therefore might not contribute to the 400,000 cases that that island has despite 2 years of closed borders. Which means that the author can return to London, and the next comedy novel can be launched from that dear, dear land! The flight is booked. England, here I come. Now the only question is, do I apply for asylum there, or do I wait until I’m back in Greece? Oh, and how quickly upon landing can I get a new Barbour to insulate me from the weather? Long live sanity, science, and the island that once again is becoming a home for people who seek sanctuary from tyranny. #theauthorinlondon #joshwritebook
I just realised I’ve been in Mexico for 7 fricken weeks, and that it’s soon to be November. I feel like it was only a couple of weeks ago that I attempted the great escape out of London only to have the world shut me in—and that only yesterday I was freezing among midget Ukrainian farmers. At least, at least—I’ll have the 3rd draft of my fifth novel complete by my 36th birthday. At least that’s the milestone upon which I’m now focused. Then a December spent simultaneously rewriting that 3rd draft and editing & narrating The Stones of Athens Tour. 7 weeks exiled in Mexican dilapidation, with god knows how many to go... #theauthorinukraine #joshwritebook #thepeterfile #theauthorinmexico #comedynovel #theauthorinlondon #exile
Now where were we with the stalker story…? Oh yes, the comprehensive trolling. Judging that stalker’s stranger-messaging-harassment was based on knowing where I was, I returned to New York and stayed with a friend who doesn’t have social media. This must have driven her crazy. Remember the woman who received the original lot of DMs? Stalker started intruding upon her IG Live parties (the pandemic was young) to badger her & her friends about my whereabouts & my dangers. Then I secretly flew to London, and there followed 2 months of my receiving DMs from people with whom I had never interacted but who lived in New York, all telling me that they had received a barrage of DMs from a ghost account saying that they knew I was staying with them and to be very wary of me. She was going through my 25k followers & figuring out which lived in New York & which were blonde & around my age—what she was telling them was my “target demographic”, as though I were a mooching Buffalo Bill. Secretly tucked away in locked-down London, the city in which our relationship had 7 months ago disintegrated, I lived in fear of my phone’s notifications. They came thick & fast from all quarters, including—at last—from an amused friend who said that stalker had now started her own blog on how to survive abusive relationships. This woman, my age, had told me when we first started dating that her last boyfriend had been abusive and that she’d grown up with a sociopathic mother. She’s now probably telling some poor love-struck sod that I too was all the horrible things she came to believe that I had been. But that is most of #TheStalkerStory! It’s been cathartic writing it out and I thank you for reading along. I was fortunate that it was only ever ever digital but I am astonished at the number of people who have been through almost this exact ordeal. She & I were together for a year, a year that now not only meant nothing to either of us but which she had morphed into a horrible tale of her being comprehensively abused—a narrative in which I was so wicked that her nightmare even ended with… Her stalking me. #dontstalkpeople #dontstalkcommapeople #theauthorinmexico #joshwriteblog
“...with a ‘Good-bye, Wendy,’ he pushed her from the rock; and in a few minutes she was borne out of his sight. Next moment Peter was standing erect on the rock again, with that smile on his face and a drum beating within him. It was saying, ‘To die will be an awfully big adventure.’” — So it is goodbye land of lockdowns and hello U- — Well, you’ll just have to wait and see. — For with a new novel to write I at last begin my year. With a letter in hand from Ingrown Balloons that proves viruses cannot be spread by travel that governments deem necessa—sorry. — For with a new novel to write I at last begin my year. With half a mayhemic story already complete; with a study of Cambodian history ready to move onto a study of Thai; with a New Cavalier Reading Society semester on Ancient Greece thunder-bolting through my veins. — #ThePeterFile is soon to enter full writerly production. And the travels by which that production shall happen can be seen at @joshwritebook, where the writing process, the historical inquiries, the travel—are on full display. — #theauthorinlondon #joshwritebook #peterpan #comedynovel #ingrownballoons
“...Work that is essential to the sustainability of the business has been (continually & infuriatingly) suspended to ensure adherence to (preposterous & capricious) government guidelines. Several projects due to be completed in the coming months can suffer no further delay and the deadline for one such project requires travel to Ukraine for research and writerly purposes… Yours, The CCO of Ingrown Balloons.” — A brand new logo from @samuelahumphreys; a letter from my HR department; and the company that will next year find, fund, & publish the next comedy novelist sends me to Ukraine to research & write The Peter File. — The inspiration, travels, and creative process, for which are very soon to reside @joshwritebook! — #theauthorinlondon #ingrownballoons #joshwritebook #thepeterfile #theauthorinukraine #sivanataraja
Brief are the ecstasies granted to the writer. Brief, but intense—and when as atoms hurtling in a void they streak through the heart there is little in life that compares with their delight. — So it is that this writer finds himself with half The Peter File ready to write and the suspicion that that half—the 1st—is the funniest and best thing he has yet imagined. — Time was when I could do my morning’s work then walk joyfully out to my motorbike and ride to the jungled beach or into and through the mountains. Now in my private and fleeting jubilation I can merely shuffle through wind along a grey and ugly European riverside. — I suppose it is partly due to age; the delusion of optimism turning by experience against itself and joy dwindling in intensity until the pleasure to be had from living sinks to resemble that which can be had from remembering. And soon we cannot enjoy today because we know that tomorrow we will hardly feel what yesterday was so intense. — Brief are the ecstasies granted to the writer. But they are all he has to work for and so on he works… — …Writing overly melancholic captions as a kind of come-down from writing about pea fetishes, gum smugglers, & insecure animal mediums. — #theauthorinlondon #joshwritebook #theauthorinvietnam #thepeterfile #comedynovel #writinglife #endlockdownsnow
The barest skeleton of a comedy novel’s beginning… — 2 full episodes of The Peter File are now pretty much ready to be written! Above, you can see a quick outline of their jokes, which are scenes, which are jokes, which are scenes… — Now ALL the book’s jokes & scenes (several hundred of them at this point) need to be threaded & needled & quilted through 10 more episodes before I can begin properly writing the first draft—hopefully in Ukraine! — It shall be a full year’s quilting, but The Peter File is the novel I was born to write, and my being able to write it is entirely dependent on the comedy-loving & novel-reading patrons of You Write Book. — Complete independence as an artist, which equates to dependence on my readership, means that I can this year—amid unprecedented ideological censorship—write the book that shall leave no person un-offended, delighted, or comprehensively amused. It also means that after all that offending I can never be Dr Seuss-ed, Disney-ed, or Fawlty Towers-ed. — And you too can make the writing of the next comedy novel possible! By becoming a patron of #YouWriteBook you keep an artist independent, you make possible the writing of the next comedy novel, you get to own an inscribed copy of a work of art that you yourself patronised. — Find out about my full year of independently produced projects at the link in my bio, and more about the story of The Peter File—or send me a DM & dare me to prove to you how funny #ThePeterFile shall be!! — You Write Book. The next comedy novel, written. Become a patron of the arts, a patron of the #comedynovel—a patron of The Peter File, at👉🏻 🦚joshvahvmphreys.com/youwritebook — #joshwritebook #theauthorinlondon #patronofthearts #patreon #ukraine #fawltytowers #drseuss #writingadvice
“Going backwards as people do when they are about to take a great leap.” — Though I prefer to look at lockdowns as pulling back a slingshot—and the further government pulls, the longer they lock me down, the more drastic will be the eventual letting-go. — Was it Camus? “The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.” Last time the slingshot was released I walked from Athens to Sparta, sleeping under the stars in olive groves. This time I think it’ll be a research & writing trip to Ukraine. After all, The Peter File is the story of a Ukrainian-Australian family who brush their teeth with beetroot toothpaste and run a crane rental business called ‘U-crane’. — (Followed probably by a walk from Athens to Mt Olympus.) And sticking with Nietzsche: “For thinkers and all sensitive spirits, boredom is that disagreeable ‘windless calm’ of the soul that precedes a happy voyage and cheerful winds.” — Though I will end with some Happy Gilmore. “Meestah. Get. Me. Out of here!” — Coming soon: #theauthorinukraine #theauthorinlondon #joshwritebook #nietzsche #thepeterfile #photographiesbytheauthor #lockdownsareimmoral
Twenty Goddam Twenty. — It was supposed to be, for me, a year that would break a tired 5-year Josh Write Book mould. Instead it became an eerie shitshow in which I lost what was left of my meagre faith in my own country and in humanity on the whole. — After starting the year in Bali to touch up The Creative Art of Wishfulness I flew to New York for 2 of the most enjoyable weeks imaginable while in the background there lurked some Chinese virus that made people buy toilet paper. — With the aim of spending half the year in Mexico I travelled to Tulum where in the space of 10 days I lost my wallet, discovered I had a stalker, and found out the world was choosing to close down. So it was back to New York to be trapped inside a Manhattan apartment for 5 weeks before finally escaping to London, where, after 3 cancelled flights to Greece I had the idea to turn The Stones of Venice Tour into a virtual experience. — After 2 months of filming & editing in the world’s most beautiful city I at last made it to Athens where so much goddam lockdown spurred me to walk to Sparta, sleeping in olive groves under the stars. Then came another month of walking the hills of the Peloponnese before returning to London to be greeted with my year’s 4th lockdown and my first winter since 2013. — It was the first year since 2014 in which I wrote no book. It was a year where, as it so quickly disappeared, I became more & more obsessed with freedom. It was a year made inestimably richer by The New Cavalier Reading Society. It was the year I decided at last to say goodbye to a worry-filled cycle of bubble & burst that has plagued my writing career. — And so begins 2021. When all my (considerable) travels shall be on display at @JoshWriteBook for everyone who’s making possible my writing and my work. — Twenty Goddam Twenty. Now bring on Twenty Twenty Fun. — #joshwritebook #theauthorinamerica #theauthorinlondon #theauthorinmexico #theauthorinvenezia #theauthoringreece #thestonesofvenicetour #twentytwentyfun #thenewcavalierreadingsociety #photographiesoftheauthor
What a ride the last 5 years have been! — From saying no to a literary agent & deciding that Exquisite Hours would either launch or sink my career; to having to RETURN to India to research The Creative Art of Wishfulness; all the way through to being stalked amid 4—FOUR!—lockdowns… — Since 2016 I’ve sought no wealth but the freedom to entertain, and have aimed for each book’s sales to enable the writing of the next one. — Now as 2021 approaches (which by the way I’ve already started calling Twenty Twenty-Fun—so copyright patent pending!) I’m moving towards a new, & much less stressful, way of making Josh Write Book… write book! — “You Write Book” is your chance to make possible the writing of the next comedy novel by becoming a patron of the arts, a patron of my art—a patron of the comedy novel. — It’s a system that I hope shall end the years of worry that have stifled my creative process & a system that means that those who would see another comedy novel born into the world, those who would watch the entire process of a novel being written—will also get to own, exclusively, a numbered and signed 1st Edition of said novel! — #YouWriteBook is something I’ve wanted to put into place for years now and come 2021 those making possible the writing of the next comedy novel will see the entire year of work which turns a story idea into a first draft & a 10th draft into a finished paperback. — Head to joshvahvmphreys.com to become a patron of the comedy novel before the new year begins—or hit the link in my bio now to find out how you can also make possible—then take—The Stones of Bangkok Tour (and even how you can be IN the next comedy novel!) — You Write Book. The next #comedynovel, written. 👉🏻 joshvahvmphreys.com or hit the link in my bio to support an author who you’ve spent years watching, while at the same time making possible—then owning—the comedy novels you so enjoy! — #joshwritebook #theauthorinlondon #thepeterfile #exquisitehours #thecreativeartofwishfulness #patronofthearts #supportartists #twentytwentyfun
Born to hoodlum. — Stuck in London for the foreseeable future, I have of late been preoccupied by 3 ideas, and how they’re currently interacting with one another. The 1st is from Karl Kraus. “How is the world ruled and led to war? Diplomats lie to journalists and believe these lies when they see them in print.” The 2nd is from George Canning. “I can prove anything by statistics except the truth.” The 3rd is a slight paraphrasing of Dostoevsky’s Grand Inquisitor. “There is no more ceaseless or tormenting care for man than to find something to bow down to as soon as possible—but his care is not just to find something before which I or some other man can bow down, but to find something that everyone else will also believe in and bow down to. This need for communality of worship is the chief torment of each man individually, and of mankind as a whole.” — Discuss... — #theauthorinlondon #photographiesoftheauthor #ihatewinter #joshwritebook #dostoevsky #londonlife #philosophygram #quarantineandchill #endlockdown
The most meaningful of animals for one of the most meaningful of days… — The Ancient Greeks for some reason believed that the flesh of a peacock did not decay after death. So the early Christians adopted it as a symbol of eternal life, and there are peacocks painted above 3rd-century Roman catacombs. As well, the Greek word for peacock was, “TAΩΣ,” a word containing both the first & last letter of the alphabet—alpha & omega—the beginning & the end. — Through Byzantium the peacock travelled as a decorative motif to Venice, where still they abound in sculpture, until at last the city’s greatest painter painted the one you see here, into an Adoration of the Shepherds. — “The angel said unto the shepherds, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.” — Merry Christmas to all shepherds & non-shepherds alike! — May the angel of Christmas future visit today with tidings, any tidings—even ones of mild joy, for great joy might be a bit much to ask right now. Also, what is a tiding, and are shepherds especially privy to them? Are they included on Amazon Prime? — Merry Christmas! — May your day be filled with family, renewal, & fulfilment. — #theauthorinvenezia #tintoretto #peacocks #merrychristmas #arthistory #theauthorinlondon #peacockfeathers
Well, they got me. It’s back to the cooler for Josh Write Book. — Though I can’t find a baseball to throw because the stores are all closed, and it’s so cold I have to wear a thermal glove. — One by one the world slammed shut its borders in response to the UK government’s claim that a virus is behaving like a virus. And now I’m imprisoned indefinitely for an illness I do not have. — A small fortune stolen by 2 cancelled flights. An *extortionately* priced PCR test that proved scientifically my innocence. Yet I am in the cooler. At least Hiltz knew both his crime and the duration of his sentence. 20 days isolation. I, and those of us in the UK, are given no such courtesies. — But there’s no point dwelling on the stupidity of the world. “Getting angry about human affairs is as ridiculous as losing one’s temper when an air flight is delayed,” said Malcolm Muggeridge. Touché, Muggeridge. Touché. — I shall use incarceration to begin implementing the rather demanding schedule that will have me—in the space of a year—build & teach a Reading Society semester on Ancient Greece, research & create a tour of Cambodia & Thailand, AND: write a new novel. — I have asked for a small library on Cambodian history and Soviet atrocity. I have already my Iliad and my Aeschylus. I am in the company of Bulgakov and Jayavarman VII. — “I will never surrender of my own free will. … If I am captured I will continue to resist by all means available. I will make every effort to escape and aid others to escape. I will accept neither parole nor special favours from the enemy.” — Now let’s see how long my 4th stint of summary isolation lasts… — Or when next an opportunity presents itself for me to escape. — #theauthorinlondon #joshwritebook #lockdownsareimmoral #toberuledisslavery #freedom #thegreatescape #ancientgreece #stevemcqueen
I’ve spent a great deal of energy this year avoiding imprisonment, energy that would have been much better spent writing comedy novels. — I went to Mexico to break old travel patterns. That went into lockdown over a single weekend. I went to New York. And wasn’t allowed to leave my apartment building. I fled as quickly as I could. A few weeks ago Greece went into another lockdown. I had to flee that. Now, “Tier 4 imprisonment” in London. — Every time I think the world might let me work—every time I find a way over the barbed wire—the life-Nazis roll up and turn me back, banning international travel, telling me who I can & cannot spend time with. Evaporating any and all hope of living a life worth calling a life. — Ernst Jünger invented a concept called “der Waldgänger”—The Forest Rebel—those who choose, when completely at the mercy of the propaganda & force of technocracy, to maintain their own independence. — “The great majority of people do not want freedom, are actually afraid of it. … Freedom is above all a conscious consent to existence, and the desire, perceived as a personal destiny, to manifest it.” — I have a new comedy novel to write. I cannot write comedy while imprisoned. — So again I’m making a run for it. I have to take a PCR test then wait for the results to be allowed onto a plane. So very audacious. But the escape is planned. The darkest night of the year is Wednesday. — Will I make it over the fence? Will the life-Nazis shoot me on the wire? Will I be allowed anywhere the freedom—not an unreasonable amount—to write? — #thegreatescape #theauthorinlondon #joshwritebook #comedynovel #thepeterfile #forestrebel #theauthorinamerica #theauthoringreece #writinglife #stevemcqueen #ernstjünger
The season finale of Josh Write Book! — After losing all my India research I had to goddam go back in order to be able to write my new comedy novel, which at last had been given a title: The Creative Art of Wishfulness. — So I returned to Trichy, and the litters of dying puppies still were under every other truck. I returned to Kumbakonam, and saw a man masturbating over a lake. Actually, India’s too long a story for a caption. But it’s told in full in Act VI of #JoshWriteBook, live and ready to read at the link in my bio. — I was then 3 months in Vietnam rewriting the work then 2 months in London finalising the proofing copy and then—THEN! — 3 years after living most of its story I finally gave The Creative Art of Wishfulness to the readers who had made its writing possible in the first place—they who had pre-ordered it and in doing so had enabled me to return to India and to hide away in Vietnam to finish it. — Then came something of a consummation of all that I do. I received a DM from the woman mentioned in Act V of this story, threatening to sue me for turning my life into my art, a phrase which she actually claimed to own the copyright for. — It was too too perfect. But there I was: I had released 6 books in as many years, including 4 comedy novels—a third of my adult life riding a motorbike around Vietnam, slightly less in Bangkok, Melbourne, and London—for half a decade not just surviving but living off my writing. — And what now is to be gleaned from all this adventure? Much personal reflection upon a life sometimes too fully lived is to be found in “Never Shall it Never Be”—the season finale of my full authorly adventure—at 👉🏻joshvahvmphreys.com, or at the link in my bio! — #theauthorinlondon #theauthorinindia #comedynovel #thecreativeartofwishfulness #writinglife
Last week my beard was as Forrest Gumpy as it’s ever been now this week, after walking from Athens to Sparta, it’s my shoes taking me back to the first DVD I ever owned... — If your mama also thinks that you can tell where they been by a person’s shoes, d’you think she could guess correctly at all of this: — From Blackheath to Crete to Bangkok to Chiang Mai, through the temples of Siem Reap to Melbourne to Ubud, Bali—then Greenwich Village and across the Brooklyn Bridge to Tulum then back to Manhattan; to London to Venice to Budapest, back to Venice, then to Athens and all the way, by foot, to Sparta… — All in the space of a year. — “Where they been; where they goin’.” These shoes are now *goin’* in the bin, because they’ve finally carked it, and provide less support to my ankles than did my last two girlfriends to my sense of self. — But what a run (and walk) they’ve had. I had no idea of the whirlwind that this pair would take me on. I can have no idea where the next will convey me. — But for the next 6 weeks they’re nestled—no wait I just threw them in the bin—I am nestled, very snugly between the Taygetus mountains and the sea, where I’m to begin the immersive process that leads up to being able to start writing a new book. — The #JoshWriteBook History of Ancient Grease. — #theauthoringreece #runforrestrun #theauthorinthailand #theauthorinlondon #theauthorinmelbourne #theauthorincambodia #theauthorinvenezia #theauthorinamerica #forrestgump #theauthorinbali #travelgram
Grieve, the story of a hellraising soldier of fortune forced to abandon his life of adventure for the smallness of his childhood home. The story, of one very angry young man. — The writing of Grieve I consider to have been a golden era of my own working life. It was the last time that my adventures inspired my books, rather than an ordeals (or several ordeals combined) to which I was subjected. — So I have titled Act IV of Josh Write Book, “The End of Adventure”. — Outlining how I came to choose Cambodia for the book’s setting, the travels I undertook to research its story, how I crafted and ran the first ever Stones of Venice Tour, as well as my move to Bangkok in 2017, the last time that I was happy. — Act IV of Josh Write Book, “The End of Adventure”, is now live, at 👉🏻joshvahvmphreys.com, or at the link in my bio. — Oh and it even has a couple of juicy bits from my private life! Just a couple. — Head to joshvahvmphreys.com or hit the link in my bio to read “The End of Adventure”, Act IV of #JoshWriteBook. — #GRIEVEnovel #theauthorinlondon #joshwritebook #joshwriteblog #comedynovel #theauthorincambodia #theauthorinthailand #theauthorinmelbourne #wokeaf
Smoking is one of the things I get asked most about from readers new and old, and so—with the pipe lit once again—I have just at some length expounded upon the history, the beauty, and the literary advantages, of smoking a pipe. — Entitled (funnily enough) “On Smoking A Pipe”, my latest essay/blog entry gives some of the backstory as to how I started smoking it, how it became a part of my writing routine—and what smoking a pipe means to an author who would now never even think of attempting to write a book without one. — Freedom, productivity, and a gentle smirk back at both death & modernity—“every poisoned breath tells the virtuous world that though it may urge you to think one way, even apparently for your own sake, this mind is not to be bought and cares for other things. Without moving you are both violent reactionary and radical revolutionist.” — On Smoking A Pipe: A celebration of tobacco, writing, & independence. — Read it now, at 👉🏻joshvahvmphreys.com or at the link in my bio. — #theauthorinlondon #joshwritebook #pipesmoker #pipetobacco #joshwriteblog #pipesmoking
The writing of a comedy novel 3 years in the making; a very reluctant return to India; the most beautiful motorbike in all the lands; a move to London ga-ding ga-ding; a podcast; IG becoming a total douche; reinvigoration in Greece; the disintegration of one’s personal life—and at last, renewed exile. — But at the close of an omnishambolic year I HAVE finally come to realise what Nietzsche was on about with his “amor fati” and his “werden wer du bist” obsessions. — 2019 was the end of much. 2020 shall be the beginning of more… — The release of that comedy novel 3 years in the making; full time cultural tutoring in The New Cavalier Reading Society; the planning & writing of THE ultimate comedy novel (a project I’ve kept under wraps for 2 years); a new Stones tour, either of Athens or Bangkok; a sojourn in America. — Becoming what one is; loving one’s fate. — And to end the year, a quotation given in one of the (7) books with which I’m seeing out the year—a quotation already imprinted in the time-distant pages of Volume 1 of my Commonplace Book: — “He who accepts that to live is to feel lost has already begun to find himself, to be on firm ground. Instinctively, as do the shipwrecked, he will look round for something to which to cling, and that tragic, ruthless glance, absolutely sincere, because it is a question of his salvation, will cause him to bring order into the chaos of his life. These are the only genuine ideas; the ideas of the shipwrecked.” — #joshwritebook #comedynovel #photographiesoftheauthor #photographiesbytheauthor #newcavalierreadingsociety #theauthorinmelbourne #theauthorinindia #theauthorinvietnam #theauthorinlondon #theauthoringreece #theauthorincambodia #ortegaygasset #2019 #nietzsche
Well, London turned into an absolute shit-show. Omnishambles, I believe is the correct word. — I was reminded again & again this week of Adam’s grandmother’s inspired question in Waxed Exceeding Mighty: “How can people be so cruel to one another?” — Emptied bank accounts, abandoned apartments, uneaten birthday cake, almost-punted dachshunds, eternal recurrence & autumnal deja vu. — What? How? WHY!?? All a rather dramatic matter for My Book of Logs, which you can sign up to read at 👉🏻 joshvahvmphreys.com — The author is at Heathrow 8 days earlier than intended, Bangkok-bound before he was ready or willing. But one does what must. On the flight I’ll type up the post that shall form a fifth of this week’s blog... A hoard of magnificence; an only slightly exaggerated chronicle; a Forest Rebel’s logbook; a writer’s... book of logs. — #joshwriteblog direct to your inbox. Hit the link I’m my bio to sign up to find out exactly what the hell happened here, in a city that felt like the backdrop to a starring-Josh-only sequel, “The Hangover 4.” — Though on the plus side... no more goddam autumn to be disgusted by. — #theauthorinlondon #autumnisballs #forestrebel #omnishambles #waxedexceedingmighyy — joshvahvmphreys.com
Education; Excellence; & Ideals. — A new episode of Unlost Causes, my new podcast, is now being recorded! — Tentatively titled, “You Are Not Enough And You Probably Never Will Be” it is a call to rid ourselves of the modern obsession with claiming, and subsequently thinking, that we are enough—exactly as we are, forever and always. — All great philosophical and cultural systems have always known that we are very far from perfect, are inherently flawed, human, prone to pride and lovers of laziness and quoting Adam Sandler movies. — And it implores us rather to always strive, through education, to be more. Through an education in excellence—by which we might then conceive of, and impose upon ourself, an excellent ideal. And, striving for that ideal—become… More. — Going live tomorrow midday London time (once I’ve stopped quoting Billy Madison and can finally get the thing on film and audio) it shall soon be live on YouTube, Spotify, and Podbean! — Unlost Causes. Where I—a lowly comedy novelist, playwright, sometimes historian, and occasional mermaid—unstrangle for you the wondrous world of culture and share with you my enthusiasm for the forgotten ideals of art, history, and philosophy. — #unlostcauses #joshmakepodcast #culturegram #theauthorinlondon #billymadison #excellence #education #ideals
When I first started using Instagram I would post twice a day. I now have absolutely no idea how I did it. — Maybe I’m getting uninteresting in my old age. I used to go on all sorts of adventures and make a dozen new discoveries a week. Thai art, Venetian architecture, Norman history. Now I feel like I’ve seen it all and, besides, the whole world’s been ruined by tourism. — Though perhaps stories might have killed the work of art and picturesque diary that a well-maintained feed could be. — I’m told by those who know me best that I have these despairing thoughts once every 6 weeks. Not only am I becoming uninteresting, I’m becoming predictable as well. — This week I’m trying to be, rather than to do. Inspired, as usual, by my most influential teacher: “It does a bullet no good to go fast; and a man, if he be truly a man, no harm to go slow; for his glory is not at all in going, but in being.” — Though I do have an adventure coming up, (Hellas!) and am, I suppose, still making discoveries; opening 75 archive.org tabs at once; still romanticising the jungle; still yearning for a totality; some cause—any cause!—that might redeem existence before I get skin cancer and die. — Weird morning. Probably should get back to re-recording the first episode my podcast, through the first attempt of which I spoke way too quickly. — See, not only am I becoming uninteresting and predictable, but I’m becoming incompetent as well. — #meditationsonapond #ithoughtyouwrotecomedy? #joshwritebook #theauthorinlondon #johnruskin #nostalgia #london #blackheath
A beautiful morning for the launch of a podcast... — CAROLVS II REX. King Charles the Second. An inscription beneath a tympanum on the old maritime college, just down the hill from me. — Charles II was the son of the man whose trial & execution first introduced me to one of the great lost causes—one of THE most inspiring forsaken loyalties—of history. — His followers (Charles I that is) were called Cavaliers, and eventually the cultural group that I curate became called The New Cavalier Reading Society. — Dedicated to discussing mankind’s most profound questions as explored by humanity’s most ingenious minds, it is from our discussions that I have taken inspiration for the talks in Unlost Causes, my new podcast. — In unstrangling the wondrous world of culture, I hope to share with you my enthusiasm for many of the forgotten ideals of art, history, and philosophy—those questions whose exploration deal wholly and in the end satisfactorily with human existence. — And, always an advocate of starting before you’re ready, that podcast launches today! — I just have to figure out how to record the damn thing. — Unlost Causes, with Joshua Humphreys. — Coming TODAY to Podbean & YouTube! — #joshmakepodcast #culture #unlostcauses #theauthorinlondon #charlesI ` #cavaliers
Arrived home to this lovely little book package, it's 'The Creative Art of Wishfulness' by Joshua Humphreys, a talented and entrepreneurial author who writes, publishes & promotes all his books himself online. I like the wrapping so much I didn't want to open it and spoil it @theauthorinlondon thanks! Will read & review soon as. 👍 #theauthorinlondon #writer #Writersofinstagram #booklover #bookstagram #Thecreatoveartofwishfulness #joshuahumphreys #author
At long last, The Creative Art of Wishfulness written by Joshua Humphreys has arrived at my doorstep. Can't wait to give this baby a read! "Your life is your art, your art is your life" #sarahreadbook #joshuahumphreys #thecreativeartofwishfulness #theauthorinvietnam #theauthorinlondon #goodreads #worththewait
Like Mr William Faulkner it is my ambition to be abolished and voided from history, leaving no refuse save for the very funny books that I’ve written. — Occasionally though, people mistake me for someone who’s on Instagram “selling” something. As though I were peddling protein shakes or jostling for you to take one of my joyology workshops. — No, no, no, no, NO! I am, quite humbly, a writer of very funny novels. And in 2016 I dressed up as a mermaid and released Exquisite Hours. That particular novel sold out 6 print-runs in 7 weeks and allowed me to go about gallivanting. — The ferocity of my tap-dancing is unrivalled, except in China, where my style is derided as only semi-ferocious. I introduced adult colouring books to the pencil-despising mountain people of north-eastern Albania and am the ‘other brother’ to whom Beyoncé refers in Single Ladies. — I am very happily banned from France and have not once lost at paper-scissors-rock. I’m currently writing with my uncle, Mel Gibson, an opera based on my gallivanting, and despite my own frequent assertions am neither Hugh Jackman’s son nor Mel Gibson’s nephew. — Wishing for no wealth but the freedom to entertain you, I have released a novel a year since 2016, and I offer you those books as a very much more entertaining and vastly more amusing alternative to the platitudinous feelgoodery currently boring you to death on bookstore shelves. — Such is the duty of a Comedy Novelist. — My latest book is called The Creative Art of Wishfulness. It took 3 years to build and to live and 6 months to write. Ga-ding-a ding. It takes controlled mayhem and harmonious insanity to new, India, levels. — Ga-ding. And I’m about to spend 10 days signing its limited First Edition. — #JoshWriteBook #theauthorinlondon #comedynovel #TheCreativeArtofWishfulness #ExquisiteHours #melgibsonsnephew #photographiesoftheauthor
And then comes the invitation… — “Passion’s the most valuable thing you can have, we’re already moving towards a passion economy! And you have so much to give. Come on, teach creativity for me. Come to Bali with me. Please?” “Absolutely not, I simply want to do my work as an artist.” “I’ll pay you $5000.” — And with THAT Godfrey Lackland might just have the money that will allow him to travel to India to paint his magnum opus. But what horrors will travelling to Bali to be a “creativity facilitator” entail..? — After 3 years of building (and living) its story, I present to you my new comedy novel, The Creative Art of Wishfulness. — This weekend I’ll be sitting down to number and inscribe the book’s First Edition, and this week only there are just 30 copies available of said First Edition for you to get your hands on. — This week is your LAST CHANE to read The Creative Art of Wishfulness before March 2020. — 30 copies only, numbered, inscribed, and signed by their author and wrapped in brown paper and tied up with string, and sent to YOU, anywhere in the world. — Head to joshvahvmphreys.com or hit the link in my bio to order YOUR signed and numbered First Edition of The Creative Art of Wishfulness, the novel that calls bullshit on yoga, alchemy, wellness, so-called creative writing teachers, Bali, & social media—all amidst the serene travails of Godfrey Lackland. — (Or watch my IG story to see me singing [definitely not for the last time] the ding-a ding-a song!) — #thecreativeartofwishfulness #theauthorinlondon #theauthorinthailand #bangkok #ubudlife #spiritualbullcrap #comedynovel
Do all posts have to be profound? — Why did Instagram die? — What shall I do now that Instagram has died? — Byyyyye, bye, Mister Instagram Pie. — Ask people to share my stuff? How base. — “Only two things you can do for an artist. Give him money and show his stuff.” —Hemingway — New subject for our Reading Semester has been decided. “Technology, Civilization, & Progress”. — Right after “Freedom, Liberty, & Revolution“ and just before “Art, Beauty, & Genius”. — Discussions we should be having. Discussions we *will* be having. — But first, 100s of copies of The Creative Art of Wishfulness to inscribe, sign, and wrap in brown paper and tie up with string. — 12 days left until the most crazy-making weekend of my year. Book-signing weekend. Where you all get to watch me go bonkers. — #thegreatgodinstagramisdead #theauthorinlondon #joshwritebook #comedynovel #TheCreativeArtofWishfulness #newcavalierreadingsociety
1 month in London down, 4 to go. — And with a brief interval in Holland, a less brief interval in Venice (for the October Stones of Venice Tour), and a possible interval in Ukraine… — The new “sitcom in prose” follows the shared machinations of an Australian and a Ukrainian family in Melbourne. And I figure what better way to get story material on the Russian half of that saga than to travel to the source. — Though if anyone has a better idea on where to go for the observation of and interaction with pathological Europeans—do let me know. Bosnia entered my mind, and Armenia. But I figure where better to tap the rich vein of Russian psychopathy (without travelling to that country itself—home as it is of genocide in the name of political correctness) than in its most tragic, recent, and ongoing victim? — Aaaaaand in other news, the inscribing, signing, & sending of the pre-ordered copies of The Creative Art of Wishfulness shall take place the weekend of the 10th and 11th of August! — A couple of weeks later than I’d hoped, but it is a novel, and does require a lot of rewriting. AND it keeps me to my promise of your reading it in August! — AND, there shall be 30 SIGNED COPIES of the book available to order that weekend. And THEY shall be your very last chance to read my new comedy novel this year. — 1 month in London down, 4 to go. — I’m looking forward to Holland. Ukraine… not so much. — #theauthorinlondon #joshwritebook #comedynovel #thecreativeartofwishfulness
No time or energy or even vision left to caption. The Creative Art of Wishfulness is rewrit. Rewrat. Rewrote. Rewrited. 73 hours in 6 days, and she’s now but one draft from being on her way to YOU. The next draft is to ensure that the cover is perfect, the header and footers evenly spaced, the new bio ridiculously coherent, the novel itself a shining preposter-tower of controlled mayhem and harmonious insanity. — I tired. Like tired tired. Josh write book. Josh write book too much. But soon it’ll be Josh wrote book. And that’s why Josh doned it. — #theauthorinlondon #joshwritebook #thecreativeartofwishfulness #comedynovel
A whole London summer, and a book... already finished!? That’s weird. — My new, 4th, Comedy Novel is only 2 weeks away from done and already contains by far the funniest chapters I’ve ever written. It plumbs the depths of preposterousness, scales the heights of cruelty and deceit, bashes one in the ribs with nunchucks of laughter. — Containing a portrait of the life of an artist, a wellness retreat in Bali, an unromantic comedy in India—it builds and at length sustains a tone of harmonious insanity. It feels very much like the consummation of the literary genre I’ve spent 5 years developing—the comedy novel. — And what’s more, it’s practically finished. I need only to cut it down to literature and to proof its design and layout. — Pre-released in February while I was in India to research the thing (having lost all my goddam India research photos from 2017’s initial descent into hell)—there’ll only be 15 copies of The Creative Art of Wishfulness available during the late-July week that I inscribe, sign & send them. — What then shall I do with my summer? — Well, this Comedy Novelist has come up with a new idea. An almost Wagnerian idea. A very much Arrested Developmental idea. An intensification of all that’s funniest in what I write. — At the moment I’m simply calling it.... “A sitcom in prose.” — But I have a feeling it’s about to become much much more than that. — The Creative Art of Wishfulness is practically on its way, and a new beast is being born. — Aren’t you just a little bit glad you follow the controlled mayhem of #JoshWriteBook? — #theauthorinlondon #thecreativeartofwishfulness #comedynovel
England! — Home of pork pies and Barbour and the Tate Britain and almost a satisfactory number of pubs. — And I’m here for a long summer in London. Spending a London summer writing is now for me a great tradition. I finished my first 2 novels here after starting them in Vietnam and wrote the first half of Grieve in a month in Battersea. — There’s just something about it. The higher standard, the history, the snobbery. I can read every sentence through while asking myself, would this be worthy of inscription beside Ruskin’s name? Would this endure the test of Waugh’s precise impatience? Would all of this in fact incur Byron’s rhyming vitriol? — Until one has answered yes, yes, and no to every single one of one’s sentences, I’m afraid I do not consider that one has completed a novel. — So I’m in London to finish The Creative Art of Wishfulness, and to attend to several other literary matters. Greenwich, in fact. Where I can each day stroll through a house that James I gave to his wife as an apology for calling her a weird Danish gecko. — The Creative Art of Wishfulness is just a few short weeks away from finished and I am popping out for a pint. Again. — #theauthorinlondon #thecreativeartofwishfulness #joshwritebook #comedynovel
Imagine if all spent their evenings at the theatre instead of in front of a television! Imagine if all read poetry instead of self-improvement blogs! Imagine if all collected epigrams instead of passport stamps and updated their vocabulary instead of their apps! — Imagine… if all attempted to at each turn make the world just a little bit more beautiful, more elevated, more enchanted—a greater place, rather than a "better" one. — Shakespeare’s Winter’s Tale, at his Globe. — The writing of To Save a Forest Virgin was sparked by the convergence of a dramatic conversation 5 years in the making and in the same week seeing As You Like It at Melbourne’s globe. — Read as much poetry as you can. Only good can come from it. — "Do you know, and dare not? Be intelligent to me: ‘tis thereabouts; For, to yourself, what you do know, you must. And cannot say, you dare not. “ — #theauthorinlondon #joshwatchplay #joshwriteplay
There be few things more delighting than a British summer eve. — #theauthorinlondon
The 87th reader review of Exquisite Hours has appeared on Amazon.co.uk! — The comedy novel that sees Anaïs Spencer lie to men from New York to Missouri to Bangladesh to Bangkok, to Venice—and at last to (not-so-sunny) London... was yesterday reviewed by the divine Ms M, @agneishka.m — She went on to say, "The most enjoyable of reads... Mr Humphreys has a wonderfully enchanting way with his words. One thing is guaranteed—he will make you laugh." — Thank you, Ms A, for letting me know what you thought of Exquisite Hours! So glad to hear that it made you laugh, and brightened up your London weather. — #ExquisiteHours is the story of a beautiful but itinerant young woman who after seven years of lying her way across the globe attempts to settle down with her equally untruthful male match in Battersea... But will a deceitful last allow Anaïs a happy future?? — 87 reader reviews of my second novel now reside on the worldwide Amazons—from its first readers to its latest. Have a read of them!—head to Amazon, or hit up #EHreviews. They're rather good. And yes, I do promote the novel myself, but I believe wholeheartedly in its supreme quality—its glowing reviews confirmed me in my suspicions... Last year I had written one of the funniest books in years. — Head to Amazon to read all of my second novel's reader reviews (4.9 out of 5 stars, ahem) in full and to order your very own copy of #ExquisiteHours, and hurry to join the hundreds who have loved and laughed their way through "a work of comedic genius exquisitely written!"! — #comedynovel #theauthorinlondon #joshwritebook
House to myself for the day means the living room is alllll mine. Which means I can write standing up as a reprieve from the chains and hunched back of my desk. Which means I can prance around the living room like a mad man as the thought process works its magic. How I am enjoying the freedom of the process... until the enforced solitude of the evening commences... #joshwritebook #theauthorinlondon
Woke up, wrote, sat in the sun, wrote again, went for a walk to find a church, found a church, wrote again. I've been thinking a lot about Robin Williams lately, and I just discovered that Danny McBride has a new show. There's a process I have, called "Making shit funny", where, after a morning's work, no longer able to produce anymore prose, I just walk around a large room thinking about scenes and dialogue with the sole intention of making them funnier than they already are. Can that line be funny? Every line can be. Make it funny then. How? I don't know, you're the comedian, supposedly. What do you mean, Supposedly? Nothing. You're very funny. Don't patronise me. I wasn't patronising you, you ARE funny. Really? Yes. Thank, that means a lot. You're welcome. #joshwritebook #theauthorinlondon
Michelangelo's David, and at his right shoulder the 13th century figure by Pisano from which he was chiefly lifted, and the bust from Verrocchio's Colleoni—the greatest statue in the world. After work I walked up to the Natural History Museum. There was an enormous queue of Italian schoolchildren and tourists. So the V&A it was. Its cast rooms are invaluable to the dreamer whose heart lies in Italy but whose work necessitates his residence in somewhere far less cultured. #myfridaysaresowild #theauthorinlondon
A day off! A DAY... OFF!! And I'm spending the morning the only way I know how... By reading autobiography. Venetian autobiography. 18th century Venetian biography. And Giacomo Casanova is an utter delight. "I was all my life the victim of my senses; I have delighted in going astray and I have constantly lived in error, with no other consolation than that of knowing I had erred." What do his memoirs say about immigration, mercury, quarantine, prison, medicine, Kabala, and gambling, aristocracy, and The Shawshank Redemption?? Well, you'll have to come to Venice in September for The Stones Of Venice Tour to find out. #theauthorinlondon #myfriendscallmenova #theauthorinvenezia
And that, is the face of a young man who is about to hit the 'nothing' zone very hard. Cambodia is finished. I think. The first draft of the opening section is done—I think. 14,000 words in 7 days and I can neither see nor concentrate to write this caption. I shall now go and wander the streets for a while, trying to break through the fog in order to construct the next day's work in preparation for sitting down to write it. I imagine that since it is Sunday I shall seek out stained glass windows. Then later, when my brain has slightly recovered, I'll look over the first draft and decide whether or not it is complete enough to actually be considered a first draft. Does that make sense? I'm not sure. If it's not I'll spend another day fleshing it out, the following day to print it and leave it to ferment until I have finished the next section, at which stage I will go back to rework it. Does this make sense? I don't think it does. If it IS complete enough, then I shall this evening, while my mind is still in Cambodia, go over the thing and see what needs most fixing when next I look at it, which will be after I've finished the next section. Yeah, I don't think this makes sense. Fuzzy brain of the highest order. I need snacks. In a week I have spoken to a grand total of 3 people, and can at this moment consider myself 1/6th of the way through the first stages of the work. How fun. #joshwritebook How did I even come to be writing books? I put the answer in article form, at joshvahvmphreys.com #theauthorinlondon
And then there is the 'nothing' time. I did 2600 words today. This requires the smoking of at least two pipes and the drinking of at least four coffees, and by the time I was done, the 'nothing' time had well and truly hit. What is the 'nothing' time? I am as a zombie; I walk around, literally for hours, and CANNOT mentally think about anything, ANYTHING—so intense has my concentration been for the last however many hours. It is the time in which I am most frequently almost hit by cars; the time I most often get an ear caught on an overhanging bush and have a bit of a freak out, the time I wander the streets like a hobo staring at building tops and squinting at people. How I envy them. My favourite thing to do in the 'nothing' time is walk around supermarkets. It absolutely astounds me how much STUFF there is in the world. And I day dream about being able to afford things. Like cheese. I remember cheese. But today I bought a tub of humus, and a packet of out-of-date smoked salmon. Then I literally sat in a park. Like a hobo. And I didn't have anything to dip into the humus, so I used my pinky finger. Like a hobo. Then I picked up a stick and walked around picking at its edges. Do even hobos do that?And, with my plastic shopping bag in hand, I did laps of Clapham Common and thought about how I truly do look like a hobo. I'm blinking a lot because of the computer screen, I have no idea what my face or hair look like, and I'm not usually conscious of whether or not I have even dressed at all. I just zonk out the front door and plod. Sometimes I sway. Then I found this little beauty, and everything seemed to be a little better. Though I nearly got hit by a car taking this photo, because I was still only half way through the 'nothing' time. I hate the 'nothing' time. The 'nothing' time is dangerous. #joshwritebook #theauthorinlondon joshvahvmphreys.com
A summer evening spent wrapping and taping and addressing and twining. With The Hot Fives & Sevens playing very loudly over the garden. Inscribed copies are open for pre-order! I'm going to leave the pre-orders open while I'm writing the third novel, as each copy bought literally enables me to eat for the day! If a signed and inscribed and wrapped-in-brown-paper-and-tied-up-with-string copy of Exquisite Hours—the story of a beautiful young woman who travels the world—is something that tickles your fancy (and check out #EHreviews to see how it'll tickle your funny bone!) head to my website at joshvahvmphreys.com and click on the book's cover to pre-order an inscribed copy now! #ExquisiteHours #joshwritebook #theauthorinlondon
10:30pm. I've been writing and thinking about the book all day. I don't want to stop writing or thinking about the book, as I do have a novel to finish. But it's all fluff now. My brain sees fluff in front of it, and when it tries to push the fluff out of the way, it just hits bigger and whiter fluff. The capacity for the brain to create is disappointing. I don't like the intensity required to write. It is inhibiting. I can't even read. At the end of the day words seem dead and meaningless. Perhaps I should see friends. But whose company could compare to that of the six Cambodian orphans I this morning invented? A writer lives during the day, in the work—and he floats at night. If one took it too seriously—the fluff and the float—one would go mad. Luckily I write comedy, and frown above all on false solemnity and pretentiousness. And a jovial disposition is necessary for the eventual production of laughter—the ultimate aim of the comedy novel. For the privileges I enjoy as a writer other people spend their whole lives working; or they pray. I am content with a stroll through the park on a glorious summer evening. #thefloatandthefluff #joshwritebook #comedynovel #theauthorinlondon
It is begun! The first 1000 words of the third novel have been laid down. Less than a normal day's work but it took me a while to get back into the swing of things. Haven't written prose in six months. Thank you to all who left words of encouragement yesterday enough... You truly got me out of bed this morning and sent me to my desk to start this new beast of a thing. I have tried to capture as best as possible what was my view for 6 hours today. You may get some idea of how bland life is about to become. I have tagged my disciples and apostles, those ancient souls who have become patrons of the arts, of my art—of the comedy novel; they whose generosity has given this little upstart of an author both the freedom and the security to write. I cannot thank you all enough for giving me this opportunity. Now I just have to ensure the book exceeds your expectations. It opens in Cambodia. To break the monotony of my sequestration in a tiny room in Southwest London I might just post some photos from my time spent researching the book in Siem Reap. There can only be so much pipe and laptop. And now, an evening of Schubert, and the supplementary reading that keeps my mind literary. #joshwritebook #comedynovel #theauthorinlondon
I spent today at what's called a "festival", surrounded by heathens and fire-twirlers and space cadets. Why would I do such a thing? For distraction's sake. To distract me... from the fact that tomorrow I start writing the new book, the third novel. I am so atrociously nervous about it, and am struggling even to see the point in beginning the thing. When I begin I must step back from social media—the loneliness already inherit to my profession becomes more acute, and I labour, day by day, with no end in sight. The first draft shall take me 6 weeks of work. Once I begin, it cannot stop. And that's tomorrow! I don't want to begin! I'm freaking out. Maybe I'll just become a fire-twirler. Or a space cadet. Or a heathen. No, never the latter. And as I take a step back and disappear into the work I would only ask one thing of you. Do your best to keep my spirits up? You are the reason I write. I want no wealth but the freedom to amuse you. And tomorrow the amusing begins in earnest. If you haven't done so already, leave a review of Exquisite Hours? I'd be immensely grateful, and would love to hear what you thought of it. Amazon reviews really do buoy my spirits. And tell your friends to read it! Read Waxed Exceeding Mighty! Remember that scene in Elf when they need Christmas cheer to power Santa's sleigh? Well, tonight I kind of feel like I need YOUR cheer to keep me going, to set me at my desk day in and day out, working, as James said, in the dark. Reviews, new readers, kind words of encouragement, criticism, signs that the new book shall be written for a willing audience—I do so, more than anytime before right now, need them all. Because the "festival" did more to confound my spirits than to buoy them. #theauthorinlondon #joshwritebook
Tobacconist, found. Weird looking Indian though. I was writing yesterday and came across a note beside a paragraph I thought amusing though unusual— "Experiment with form or you WILL get bored. And boring." This then sent me into a spiral of 'Who am I writing for here? Myself or my readers? What if novel three comes along and nobody likes it—that's it, the end. Attempt at literary notoriety over. This story IS more masculine than the last. A male lead, an angry angry male lead. But your readership is largely female. Yes, but perhaps this can help attract more males. What are you a moose in heat, you want to attract more males? The next book might also be considered mildly offensive. But so was the last one. Yes, but this one deals more directly with modernity. But you don't believe in 'offense'. Yes, but everyone else does. Well they can go to hell. But they're you're readers. Oh yeah. But no, I write for myself! Good luck with that. Now, will this be TOO offensive for them? Just tone it down a bit. But it's funny. How about, when you release it, release it a censored and an uncensored edition. GOOD idea!' So yes, got not enough work done because I was arguing with myself most of the day. I need to get a life. No, writing is your life. Oh yeah. How disappointing. #joshwritebook #theauthorinlondon #comedynovel
And of course The National Gallery must be followed up by The Tate, there to spend a hours with my dearest non-Italian painters. Turner's Venice always astonishes me, and I am quite certain that as I lay dying, hopefully yet a little ways down the track, it shall be Venice through Turner's brush that I see as I waft towards the light. I wish for that light to be a Venetian sunset, seen from the Riva, and painted for me by JWM. On a brighter note!! I'm in London but clearly thinking about Venice! Largely because I'll be there in October doing the most exciting thing I've done in a very long time... serving as historian, lecturer, and delightfully knowledgable tour guide for #CreativeRehabVenice! A week-long retreat for soulful creators from all walks of life—people in search of not just adventure, but life-changing content; not just the thrill & the beauty of travel, but the substance of a deeper love affair with life. If this sounds like something that might interest you (of course it's somerging that might interest you! It's week in Venice, with like-minded creatives, and me, and @andrea.balt, surrounded by art, history, beauty, spritz Aperol, and seafood!!) then head to 👉🏻 CreativeRehab.co/Venice for the full lowdown! #theauthorinlondon #butwishinghewerealreadyinVenice
Working up the last of my notes and adding the extra hilarity into the new book. I have a splendid little London nook in which to write, and, as intended, it's far too expensive here for me to do anything BUT write. As the writing of my third novel begins truly I hope you'll all come along with me as I attempt to finish the first draft in six weeks, and to launch it in January next year. The story and title are of course a secret, but I can tell you that it opens in Cambodia and ends in Melbourne. The best thing for me is for all my lovely followers to read and review my first two—I promise that nothing alleviates the loneliness of writing better than does having new readers join me and old readers dive in deeper. For now though, after a day of cracking myself up, a glass of port and some Venetian memoirs before bed... #joshwritebook #theauthorinlondon
Overcast and aeroplane-ridden... Inscribed copies of Exquisite Hours—the first since the book's launch in February and almost certainly the last—are back and available for pre-order! Head to joshvahvmphreys.com now and click on the book's cover to grab yours before the opportunity is lost forever. The story of Anaïs Spencer, a beautiful young woman who travels the world lying to men—inscribed and signed by me and wrapped in brown paper packaging and tied up with string and mailed to you by me, to wherever you are in the world... But time, and copies, are running out. Head to my website now to grab yours before they are all gone, forever. #joshreadbook #comedynovel
Oh my Lord the London sun is shining. And the first thing I want to do... is look at Venetian paintings. A day with John Bellini and Guardi. Fewer things are more pleasant. #theauthorinlondon