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Thirty-eight. . As the evidence of youth begin to slowly escape, I cannot help but feel a sense of gratitude. . At one point in my life, reaching the next birthday was an achievement to celebrated. . And during that phase in my life, I stopped detesting the wrinkles around my eyes and the white hair beginning to frame my face. . Each birthday has given me life, a new year to embrace the challenges and savor the joy. . Here’s to another year of deepening my practice of learning to surrender and engage in acceptance. . . [personal photos] 1985 and the very first birthday I celebrated on American soil; 2020 and the very first birthday I went without blowing out candles on a cake. _______________ #autherapycoaching #birthday #geminiseason

Safe and Sustainable. . Since April 22, 1970, Earth Day has been celebrated as a means of raising awareness on the negative impacts humans have on the environment and earth. . As part of our civic duty, we are tasked to move to engage in more sustainable practices and doing our part to lower our carbon footprint. . However, sustainability is so much greater than minimizing your consumption of single use plastics, drinking out of a metal/bamboo/glass straw, or buying recycled products. . Sustainability also encompasses our own internal states as humans. . You are also a walking ecosystem comprised of different elements that thrive best in an environment free of pollutants. . Do you embrace your own natural beauty the way you would the breathtaking view of a sunset? . Do you breathe in the air of your own company the way you do the crisp air at a mountain top? . How are your own self conservation efforts? How ethical are your own habits and practices? ________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #onlinetherapist #sustainability #selfpreservation #autherapycoaching

We need to spread compassion faster than COVID-19, and sell kindness faster than toilet paper at Target. . . I have spent roughly 20+ hours this week holding space within my clinical practice and additional hours during my “off hours” helping others process their thoughts and feelings regarding the COVID-19 pandemic. I’ve also been a part of numerous conversations with colleagues about the impacts of social contagion and how the widespread news has delivered both panic and indifference. . Inspired by another therapist who issued a statement similar to do this, I felt it my duty to continue to be an advocate for the vulnerable including those who are unable to fully comprehend the magnitude (or the lack thereof) of emotions, panic, and fear amidst of all the chaos. . This post is for those people, and for those who could use a little knowledge on how to temper their judgments before it impacts their interpersonal relationships beyond repair. _______ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #socialcontagion #socialdistancing #covid_19 #pandemicpreparedness #coronavirus #survivaltips #losangelestherapist #onlinetherapist #autherapycoaching #jrnicoaching

Recovering and Building Resilience After a Traumatic Event. . There are a growing number of ways to recover from an traumatic event. . Talk therapy is a standard model used in clinical psychotherapy as it allows an opportunity to verbally recount and process events. . It creates an opportunity to LABEL feelings, identify any negative associations, and rewrite cognitive distortions as a result of the event. . However, sometimes this is not enough. . Clinical research has shown trauma being stored in parts of the brain and within the body. Thus, allowing reminders of events to continue to be triggering even after talk therapy has concluded. . As a result, there is a growing number of different modalities being introduced for trauma recovery including the use of somatic experiencing. EMDR has grown in popularity, as have Brainspotting, Neurofeedback, and Havening Techniques. . How do you know which would be the most effective? Consultations with trained and/or certified providers allow for you to attain information about the modalities and what to expect. . As a clinician trained in Havening Techniques, some of the people I have worked with see results within 1-3 sessions. More complex cases have benefited from at least 10 sessions. . I can confidently endorse Havening Techniques as a previous client. The effects were profound enough for me to seek training. My goal is to offer alternatives to those with difficulties verbalizing events due to re-traumatization. . Trauma recovery comes in so many forms. While talking benefits some, others find healing in other modalities. No matter which avenue a person chooses, the best course of action is to maintain consistency and an open mind/heart. . For more information about Havening Techniques or to find assistance locating an EMDR or energy healing specialist, please send me a DM. _________ #notesfromyourtherapist #traumarecovery #traumaresilience #buildingresilience #recovery #healing #healingjourney #ptsd #growth #autherapycoaching

Be The Kind of Therapist You Wish to See. . The day of my licensing exam, I didn’t set the intention to pass—I set the intention to become the kind of therapist I wanted to sit with and talk to. I wanted someone passionate about helping others, someone attuned and aligned with me as a human... instead of my symptoms or my traumas. . I wanted a therapist who could sit with me and wasn’t so quick to fix me. Someone who’d help me figure it out; who spoke the language of missing needs; who looked at my behaviors as a form of survival or protection. Someone who offered a different way to think about my personal narrative. . For those I haven’t gotten a chance to meet, my name is Aileen and I am a Los Angeles based psychotherapist also trained as a Certified Life Coach. . My strengths as a therapist are in working on identifying needs and self acceptance, and providing unconditional positive regard to all regardless of their lifestyle and choices. . My clinical specialities are working with Millennials, Gen Z’ers, first gen Asian Americans, and trauma. . I am an instructor for an International Coach Federation accredited life coaching program, @jrnicoaching where I teach the introduction to generalist principles, frameworks, and techniques for coaching. . My specialities as a coach include mental wellness coaching and enhancing communication skills. . Lesser known facts include being an on-set Makeup Artist, as well as receiving my Reiki attunement for master level. . I believe in mindset being at the core of excellence and interconnected to your emotional, spiritual, physical, financial, career, and relational health. . For self care I attempt to live a sustainable minimalist lifestyle, go camping with my partner and friends, and engage in holistic healthcare. . NOTE: The info on this account, like everything else in the web, should not be used in place of medical/clinical treatment. Used properly, info can offer consumers information to inform their choices for treatment. . [Personal photo: Not my dog, but I sure wish Toby was] ________ #losangelestherapist #onlinetherapist #autherapycoaching

You’re going to feel personally attacked if you do this. . If someone has ever told you “you need to talk to someone (aka a therapist),” they aren’t shaming you. They’re giving you feedback on their capability with being able to help you. . As a therapist person, I feel inclined to be honest in what happens to your friends, family members, and partners when you begin emotionally unloading on them. . Friends, family members, and partners can often feel the weight of your distress as if it were their own. . Their relationship with you makes it impossible for them to remain objective as they have some emotional ties and investment in you. . Additionally, some of your friends aren’t clinically trained to understand certain nuances like trauma, depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts. Some can do or say things that can do more harm than good. . Instead of helping you fully process in a way that serves you, often times you might be met with advice or being told what to do. It can also create the dynamic of having your loved ones feel responsible for fixing you. . It isn’t uncommon for therapy clients to discuss their feelings around supporting others who are in need of their own therapeutic support. Some experience feelings of “caregiving burnout,” whereas others feel guilt for not being able to set more solid boundaries. . “How do I tell my loved one I can’t be there for them because I need to focus on being there for me first?” is a question I’ve been asked more than a few times. . The role of a therapist is to provide unconditional positive regard, with little to no advice giving, and to uphold the standard of being nonjudgmental. . Therapists don’t just validate your feelings. They provide you with education and are clinically trained to help you develop tools to feel more empowered and strong enough to manage the emotional labor required to pull through. . Therapists will help you cultivate the proper skills to manage big feelings, learn to self regulate, and even challenge thinking and behavioral patterns. . The best part: your friends can offer you additional support full of love and bring about an air of lightness back into your life. . (below)

It’s just emotions taking me over. . Los Angeles took a huge hit on Sunday upon the announcement of a helicopter crash leaving no survivors. Of the lives lost were @kobebryant, his daughter, a basketball coach, two mothers, a father, and two teen girls. . As an Angeleno, Kobe represented more than just a basketball player—he was Los Angeles. . He was no different from the rest of us. Complicated, complex, and personal life filled with dark shadows. Only difference was him being in the public eye, therefore held up to standard of perfection we all hope “heroes” to be. He represented a life of trials and triumph, as well as challenge and change. . I cried, with the rest of Los Angeles. Tears filling my eyes as I held the floor for my clients both Sunday and Monday. . The loss of Kobe and the other passengers meant more than losing a public figure. It meant losing some part of themselves. . For some, it was childhood. For others, it was a connection to family, friendship, and to foreign place. And for a few, it was about not having any closure with his indiscretions and the verdict of his trial they didn’t agree with. And like my clients, I spoke about the crash with my own therapist. . The thing about grief and loss is: it’s more than the absence of a person. Its about the role they played in your life, the influence they held, and what they represented to you. . The loss of the other passengers represented the loss of parental figures, of powerhouse adult influencers for the youth. It also represented lives which would never reach their potential, of versions of themselves never to be met. . As you process your feelings of grief, remember it is a process. A part of you will ache, perhaps for the rest of your life. It can get easier, or harder. Nevertheless, acknowledge the need to take time for yourself to recover. . RIP Mambas & Fam. . DM for grief and loss counseling resources, be it for the lives lost on Sunday or for another in your life. . [Photo Source: Google Image of Kobe Bryant and daughter Gigi Bryant]. ______________ #ripkobe #mambaforever #mambaout #grief #loss #gonetoosoon #losangeles #lakers #losangelestherapists #autherapycoaching

When therapy feels like a bust. . As a therapist person, I hear a lot of commentary regarding therapy amongst friends and family members who share their experiences with failed attempts at meeting with a counselor. . In approaching their failures with curiosity, I became aware of a pattern amongst those with unsatisfactory experiences. And while I have a strong bias favoring therapy, I have also experienced my share of being a client person on the sofa with unmet needs. . REAL TALK— Sometimes your therapist sucks. Sometimes you just aren’t receptive enough to fully access therapy. . In the case of the former, I’ve created a list of ways to empower yourself as consumer and a client. . A few resources at the end of the slides to assist anyone who is in search of a new therapist. . Additionally, available to consult with anyone wanting more information about therapy services or what to expect when working with a therapist. _________ #notesfromyourtherapist #therapy #mentalhealthmatters #empoweryourself #healing #recovery #depression #bipolar #anxiety #traumarecovery #therapysucks #onlinetherapy #latherapist #ootify #psychologytoday #therapyden #autherapycoaching

Why Reparenting Matters. . A common trend I have encountered in my work as a therapist are adults looking to explore the reasons and explanations behind their behavioral patterns and inability to manage certain emotions. . Assault, Interpartner Violence, being in relationship with people experiencing severe mental health issues, and traumatic events experienced as adults are sometimes the catalyst. . However, a larger number of the people I treat experience these challenges as a result of an emotional wound that began in childhood. . Some signs of having an emotionally wounded inner child include: 1. A string of emotionally and physically intense relationships. 2. People pleasing, codependency, and seeking validation from others. 3. Seeking out emotionally unavailable partners or friends. 4. Challenges with managing “big feelings” in a way that prevents self or others from harm or hurt. 5. Playing parent or emotional caretaker to your friends, partners, and evening your own parents. 6. Fears of being abandoned, thus causing you to be either clingy or emotionally distant with others. 7. Strong feelings of resentment towards your parents (and sometimes family members). . In my practice, inner child healing is addressed by identifying basic and complex needs not met by your parental figures followed by reprocessing and reparenting those childhood wounds. . If you’re questioning whether or or you might have an wounded inner child, the next time you are hurt ask yourself “How old does this pain feel? When was the first time I felt this feeling?” . . Personal Photo. 2nd grade. Behind those smiles was a wounded inner child who later grew up to be inspired to do the work and help others learn to heal. _____________ #notesfromyourtherapist #innerchild #innerchildhealing #trauma #childhoodtrauma #traumarecovery #healyourself #healing #mentalhealth #recovery #selflove #reparenting #autherapycoaching

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery - Redemption Song (Bob Marley, 1980). . A major misconception about recovering from a painful past is that time is the only thing responsible for healing wounds. . If this were the case, most pain would dissipate after a short period of time once the event has faded and become a memory. . Anyone who has dealt with the loss of a loved one or experienced a traumatic/painful event would not be in agreement. . In the efforts to liberate yourself from the pain and negative emotions associated with these events, it requires a bit of effort and the willingness to work. . This can come in the form of reaching out to family/friends to talk; praying; energy healing; going back to the gym; taking a brief leave of absence; or engaging in art. . For others, it can be reaching out to a therapist person after identifying their methods of managing their big feelings have been destructive and impacting their jobs, relationships, and physical health or appearance. . As a therapist who specializes in trauma and depression, sessions are used to have honest conversations about pain. We dive into the meaning of shame, guilt, and disconnection. We look at depression as a sign, not a life sentence. . . For more information how I—or any of my therapist people friends—can help support you, feel free to send me a DM. __________ #notesfromyourtherapist #losangelestherapists #therapist #onlinetherapist #therapyformillennials #therapyforprofessionals #healing #recovery #trauma #traumahelp #energyhealing #reikipractitioner #autherapycoaching

Wishing you the very best in 2020! Posted @withrepost • @aileen.therapycoaching Auld Lang Syne - The previous iterations of self. . “New Year, New Me” There is often the belief of new years and new decades marking an opportunity to reinvent ourselves. And while working towards self alignment and a better future is a wonderful goal, sometimes the intent of becoming better versions of ourselves are colored by the idea that who we currently are just isn’t good enough. Isn’t successful enough. Or fit enough. Or adventurous enough. But who you are now—and the previous iterations of you—have brought you here. You’ve survived every heartache, every perceived failure, every💩decision, and difficult event. The old you is worth celebrating because the new you is a collective of all of the past versions and past lessons. So if you are looking at 2020 as your one shot at becoming a brand new you, don’t forget to apply the KonMari method. Embrace those parts of you, thank them for serving you in the way they did, and release with honor and joy. _______ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #auldlangsyne #newyearnewme #newyearsameme #life #soul #2020 #twentytwenty #newyearseve #lifecoach #therapy #therapist #healing #recovery #autherapycoaching

Auld Lang Syne - The previous iterations of self. . “New Year, New Me” There is often the belief of new years and new decades marking an opportunity to reinvent ourselves. And while working towards self alignment and a better future is a wonderful goal, sometimes the intent of becoming better versions of ourselves are colored by the idea that who we currently are just isn’t good enough. Isn’t successful enough. Or fit enough. Or adventurous enough. But who you are now—and the previous iterations of you—have brought you here. You’ve survived every heartache, every perceived failure, every shitty decision, and difficult event. The old you is worth celebrating because the new you is a collective of all of the past versions and past lessons. So if you are looking at 2020 as your one shot at becoming a brand new you, don’t forget to apply the KonMari method. Embrace those parts of you, thank them for serving you in the way they did, and release with honor and joy. _______ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #auldlangsyne #newyearnewme #newyearsameme #life #soul #2020 #twentytwenty #newyearseve #lifecoach #therapy #therapist #healing #recovery #autherapycoaching

Activating potential to create possibilities. . I wouldn’t be the first to have been told to leave things up to chance, God, or the Universe. And while I do believe in a higher power, I also believe in being empowered enough to take part in manifesting your own destiny. . We are more capable and in control than we sometimes give ourselves credit for. ___________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #autherapycoaching #lifecoach #therapist #onlinetherapist

Less is sometimes more. . For those with major depression and persistent depressive symptoms, setting a goal to be happy feels like a big ask. . Sometimes it isn’t about chasing happiness. Sometimes it’s just about moving in a direction where things don’t suck as much. . In therapy sessions, some of my clients struggle with the idea of being happy. So instead, we set the goals of working towards raising awareness and being less sad. . Although we all want to be happy, chasing happiness and setting it as your goal may create a lot of self judgment if it isn’t achieved. . I prefer to meet my clients where they’re at, and I prefer to set them up for success. Sometimes that means focusing less on being happy, and more on feeling less sad. . . A few slots available for online psychotherapy and virtual office sessions. Unfortunately only available to CA residents. ___________ #notesfromyourtherapist #depression #depressionhelp #therapistlosangeles #onlinetherapy #beatdepression #autherapycoaching

On being both a therapist person and a coach. . I’m grateful to be joining JRNI CEO Noelle Cordeaux (@kindnessgangsta) this Saturday at 11:00AM PST as I share my insights on being both a therapist AND a life coach. . While there is some coaching in therapy, there is NO therapy in coaching. Some life coaching programs will encourage therapists to call themselves life coaches in order to bend state guidelines on providing therapy across state lines. . Not only does this violate State Boards Of Behavioral Sciences, it also takes away from the art and skill of being a coach. . Those sorts of programs terrify me based on the inability to skillfully respect both practices and both arts. . This Saturday I get to share my experience practicing as (1) a licensed psychotherapist, and separately as (2) a certified life coach. . I get to talk about how both practices can coexist in my world, and how I navigate both ships. . Registration can be found on @jrnicoaching Instagram page bio. . Ask me for more details. ____________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #therapist #lifecoach #therapistturnedlifecoach #wellness #gethelp #livebetter #advice #autherapycoaching

Give yourself permission to let your brain and hands go “offline.” . I am a therapist person, a professional coach, an instructor, a social worker during the day, and a business person. . I am also a tired person who has loved ones who need me and a life outside of my professional entities. . In the past several months, I have become more and more aware of how much our society promotes and glorifies burnout—from praising one another for “hustling” and working numerous side gigs to sacrificing sleep to work more or do more, skipping meals, or working through lunches. . We have lost the essence of what it means to be a human being by trading it all to become “human doings.” . As a therapist, I endorse being in therapy. And as a coach, I find the importance of working with other coaches. In my recent sessions with my professionals, we dug deep and found that the desire to drive one to overworking is rooted from a place of competition, comparison, and competence. . I encourage anyone who has been feeling any symptoms of burnout (depression, low mood, low motivation, physical and emotional exhaustion, irritability, “not wanting to people,” avoidance of tasks, etc.) to dig deep and ask yourself whether you are overworking for yourself… or for someone else. . Whatever answer you arrive to, sit with it for a second. Acknowledge what you actually want for yourself. And respect yourself enough to know when it’s time to allow your hands to rest and your brains to sleep. ____________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #losangelestherapist #onlinetherapy #onlinetherapist #lifecoach #lifecoaching #burnout #depression #ineedavacation #selflove #autherapycoaching

Distress, Not Disorder. . The “medical model” was introduced to the realm of mental and behavioral health as a means of being able to establish a standard diagnostic criterion amongst medical providers. According to the research I’ve done, this was created as a standard by psychiatrists (who are trained as physicians, not strictly mental health providers), but not psychologists or clinical counselors. . As a result, pathology became attached to the notion of mental health. Certain mental and behavioral health concerns were slapped with the label of “disorder,” to which I have difficulty as someone rooted in Positive Psychology and holds the desire to divorce ourselves from labels. . When it comes to trauma, I view it as an emotional and psychological injury. . There is nothing wrong with you for thinking/feeling the way you do after an experience that shook you to your core. There is nothing wrong with suddenly developing a sense of distrust or hypervigilance after what you have been through. . Instead, your brain is doing what it does best: attempting to protect you. . When you experience any type of traumatic event, your brain encodes the event and stores it away in your Amygdala (found in your limbic system). . In addition to being encoded, traumatic events hold both a strong emotional charge and the feeling of “inescapability”—perceived or actual. Thus, creating a sense of helplessness (real or not) and feelings of being handicapped or trapped. . Telling someone to “shake it off” or “forget about it” is a lot like asking someone who has broken both legs to walk a mile or go up a set of stairs. . The idea of labeling a natural response to an event as “a disorder” creates stigma. . If you have ever experienced anything you consider to be traumatic, understand that you are a disorder. You are a human being who has been through an unfortunate event, someone who deserves to have that experience validated. . You are not your diagnosis. And recovering in the aftermath is possible. ____________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #losangelestherapist #onlinetherapy #onlinetherapists #neocortex #monkeymind #neuropsych #autherapycoaching

*Until you learn the skills to traverse out of an emotional state. . There’s nothing wrong with you. Your brain is just from a different time and place. . Read that again and remind yourself that some of your mental health symptoms as a result of your brain attempting to continue living more primitively in a modern day society. . Even though humans have been able to progress socially and create complicated social structures and constructs, our brains are still the same as they were 1.4 million years ago when we evolved into Homo Sapiens. . To make sense of this, think of your brain as three different parts (MacLean’s Triune Brain Structure): . Reptilian : the oldest, most primitive part of your brain. Controls/regulates your body functions (heart rate, breathing, body temp, balance). . Mammalian : Limbic System - “Emotional Brain.” Responsible for survival, learning, and emotions. It also governs motivation; it sees everything as pleasurable or painful. . Primate : Neocortex - “Thinking Brain.” Allows higher mammals to engage in language, planning, organizing, and perception. In humans, allows abstract cognitions, such as “thinking about thinking.” . Many believe mental health challenges are a result of thinking issues. Although there is truth to this, certain aspects of mental health such as Post Traumatic Stress, Panic, Anxiety, and Fears are a result of the Limbic System getting jostled. . When someone is in an emotional state, logic disappears. People will behave in certain manners that don’t make sense. They may not seem receptive to suggestions and act impulsively and/or defensively. . They act in a way to protect themselves while experiencing a real or perceived threat (emotionally or physically). This is the limbic system at work, with the brain doing what it needs to do to be safe. . For the rest of the week, I plan to do a series of brain school to help people learn more about their brains. This has been a big part of my client work in helping them prevent limbic system hijack to help them with their relationships with others and themselves. . For more info, feel free to DM me. __________

Signs you’re burnt out and what to do about it. . According to an article written on Psychology Today, Burnout is a state of emotional, mental, and often physical exhaustion brought on by prolonged or repeated stress. . Symptoms include physiological or emotional exhaustion, irritability, cynicism, detachment, feelings of ineffectiveness, depression, anxiety, and hopelessness. . Or, as one of my clients shared with me today, “I have the case of the ‘f*ck-its.’ I don’t want to adult or people today.” . Experiencing burnout is a result of chronic, accumulated stress that has not been given any opportunity to be resolved. . Engaging in the bare minimum amount of self care—less than 7 hours of quality sleep, penetrable boundaries, minimal connection with important others, eating primarily nutrient poor foods,and few hours a week of time spent exercising or sitting in nature—will eventually create a major deficit in your emotional bank. . What steps can you actively take to manage burnout? . Make it a point to turn off your cell phone in the evenings to focus entirely on winding down and getting yourself ready for bed. . Increase your physical activity to create an outlet for unexpressed anger and frustration to move. . Spend a few hours a week in a green space environment, surrounded by plants and nature. . Engage with important others a few times a week to boost your neurotransmitters. . Utilize relaxation techniques as often as needed throughout the day, especially after a hard day at work and before bedtime. . Start setting more firm boundaries at work and within your personal relationships by giving yourself permission to say no. . Stay consistent and maintain a strong self care game. . For those in the Los Angeles area, I am now offering community and activity based “walk and talk” therapy sessions. Inquire via DM. . . . [Personal Photo] Taken at Havasupai on the hike into the grounds and the falls. Circa 2017. ____________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #losangelestherapist #nature #walkandtalk #alternativetherapysessions #havasupai #burnout #burntout #help #sotired #adulting #autherapycoaching

Give yourself permission to be human. . This is for anyone who needs it today, tomorrow, or for yesterday. ____________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #reallife #behuman #bekindtoyourself #jrnicoach #losangelestherapist #autherapycoaching

Quick Fixes: Do They Actually Work? . The answer is both yes and no. . They produce a temporary sense of relief (yes) that is often an illusion based on distraction or diluting the symptoms. But it never really gets better or goes away (no). . I stumbled across an article by @keepkilter today. In it, she shared her sentiments on quick fixes— “When you approach disease with a faster is better attitude, you don’t have an opportunity to address the root cause and so you never treat the dis-ease and its origin. You only treat the symptoms.” . As a therapist person, I often feel like a last resort. It feels as though mental health is commonly overlooked, ignored,or postponed in favor of quick fixes and short term remedies. . Real healing is not fast. Or easy. It’s hard, and it’s work. It’s breaking a habit or changing a behavior that has sustained you for 20-30+ years, then fumbling your way through developing a new way of doing/seeing things. . So instead of addressing the internal stuff, many reach for a quick external fix. . Retail therapy. “Eating my feelings.” Glasses of alcohol + hashtags #selfcare #therapy. . Those things are easy. Immediate. Provide instant relief and immediate gratification. . But all they really are bandaids being slapped over bullet wounds. . They temporary stop the bleeding, but not for very long. . Unfortunately, there very few shortcuts with true self development and healing. . There are, however, more convenient and affordable ways to access self improvement. A number of lesser advertised resources for low cost affordable therapy are available. Pro bono life coaches exist, and so does free group support. . Tired of covering up your deep pain with a surface solution? Talk to me and let’s come up with a plan and a path. ______________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #quickfix #healing #recovery #losangelestherapist #therapy #lifecoaching #selfimprovement #getbetter #liveyourbestlife #jrni #autherapycoaching

High levels of productivity may result in burnout. . As I mentioned earlier this week, capitalism has promoted this belief that producing more means higher value. And for a generation or two, it may have worked. . But nowadays, we are overstimulated and slammed with all kinds of stressors that didn’t exist back then. We now life in a society where your 9-to-5 job becomes your 9-to-9, and the quality of our lives have begun to suffer. . When normal every day stress accumulates, it starts to build up. . BURNOUT is a result of chronic stress. This can come in the form of working longer hours over an extended period of time, encouraging yourself to forgo meals and breaks for the purpose of “powering through,” investing emotionally in everyone else, and generally just going too hard for too long. . The result of burn out is the experience of depression, anxiety, irritability, desire to isolate, hopelessness, and sometimes even contempt. . There are so many “quick and easy” remedies on the market to address the exhaustion from burnout, but these things are designed to alleviate the symptom. They don’t actually treat the problem. . Instead of continually putting bandaids on bullet wounds, give yourself permission to STOP. . The only way to stop feeling so tired is to give yourself an opportunity to get rest. The more overdrawn your energy stores are, the longer you will need to invest in resting. . Take a moment for yourself. . Postpone a couple of things that have a low sense of urgency. . Turn off your phone and engage in a guilty pleasure. . Or... take a much needed nap or full night’s rest. . The goal in life is to be productive. Not just in the area of work, but in all of your life domains (socially, emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc). . If you’re experiencing burnout and feel stuck, I will be offering 20 minute consultation calls beginning October 1st to help folks set up a burnout recovery plan. Inquire via DM. ___________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #burnout #exhausted #sotired #ineedavacation #takemeout #sleepy #morecoffeeneeded #halp #autherapycoaching #jrni

Reduce your stress levels + raise your self esteem. . Last week, I had a conversation with therapist person and coaching colleague @alvely_writes about being riddled with guilt for taking time away from work to focus on getting through a very important week and singular task. . “Capitalism has conditioned us to believe our worth is based on our productivity,” said Alvely. When we are not working, we are not producing, therefore have lesser value. . Thus, promoting this unhealthy and stressful culture of overworking and multi-tasking. We opt for faster food and lesser sleep so we can produce more. . It was a well timed convo as I had decided to take a week long staycation from my 9 to 5, in the efforts to engage in focusing on reducing my workload so I could focus on a huge professional project. . When we multi-task, we lose ourselves in the process. We compromise giving something our entire focus for the sole purpose of being able to do more in less time. . Although it sounds like great solution, it promotes the belief that we are less than if we are not producing more. If we are not doing anything with our time, it means we are nothing. . When you engage in single tasking, you give yourself a chance to focus on one thing without worrying about another. It promotes rest and reduces stress by taking a number of responsibilities off your plate at a given time. . It also encourages more rest and self care. Instead of eating while working, try actually giving yourself a break away from your computer. . Instead of checking emails while you’re on your break, engage in mindfulness. . The outcome of my weeklong break was more focus on a high priority project and also lowered stress. I gave myself permission to only worry about one thing during the week, and it paid off. . Guilt and restlessness may come up when you give yourself a break, but remind yourself that your worth is not based on your productivity. ___________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #getmorerest #therapistlosangeles #recovery #mindfulness #autherapycoaching

The struggle is a lot more common than advertised. . Even if no one seems to be admitting it openly, end of life thoughts occur more often than not and at least once throughout lifetime. . However, living in a society taught to save face, there is a lot of shame associated with experiencing the perceived inability to cope. . The ending of one’s life is a thought that can cross someone’s mind, even without an intensive history with depression, anxiety, trauma, or any persistent mental health conditions. Statistics indicate a surprising percentage of suicides were not premeditated, with a long planning period. . According to the New England Journal of Medicine (2008), an estimate of up to 80% of suicides were a result of an impulsive decision—24% made the decision within 5 minutes; 70% made an attempt within an hour. . As a therapist person, I can’t help but question how different those statistics would be if we lived in a society that welcomed and embraced talking about hard topics, big feelings, and end of life thoughts in a open and nonjudgmental manner. . If… we collectively accepted difficult emotions as a normal part of human experience instead of engaging in toxic positivity or informing people to “suck it up.” . Instead of pretending to have Pinterest perfect, Instagram envyable posts of “living our best lives,” we NORMALIZED things like failure, grief, depression, anxiety, and pain. . What if we curated a culture that acknowledges what it’s like living in “the real world” instead of us capturing only our highlight reels? . True prevention does not only involve intervention when someone expresses their thoughts or shows warning signs— It starts before we ever get to that point by being open and accepting of big feelings and acknowledging that situations in life just really, really suck. _____________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #nationalsuicidepreventionweek #suicideprevention #depression #sadness #hopeless #semicolon #getbetter #ineedhelp #emergency #crisis #psychiatrichospitalization #suicide #chooselife #livebetter #lgbt #lgbtqi #queer #autherapycoaching

Inclusion Saves Lives. . One of the most important things I have learned working as a therapist person is how much inclusion, cultural competence, and cultural compassion matters. . There are a lot of people who believe society has gone too far with being politically correct and with the creation of all kinds of labels and classifications for a person to adhere to. . These identifiers are meaningful and important because they address intersections and allow for others to be aware of unique characteristics to be mindful of. . In relation to suicide prevention, persons who identify as LGBTQI+ are more likely to feel isolated without proper supports. . Part of expressing their pain often comes with having to explain their position, much of which is exhausting and leaves them with little energy to discuss their actual ideation. . As we reach the end of #nationalsuicidepreventionweek, I wanted to supplement the information I have provided this week with additional resources such as the Trevor Project, Trans Lifeline, SAGE, and The LGBT National Hotline. . . [Illustration Credit] Infograph created by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. _____________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #nationalsuicidepreventionweek #suicideprevention #depression #sadness #hopeless #semicolon #getbetter #ineedhelp #emergency #crisis #psychiatrichospitalization #suicide #chooselife #livebetter #lgbt #lgbtqi #queer #autherapycoaching

Why Awareness Matters. . It’s been somewhat disheartening to see some of the comments I have seen floating around on the internet regarding any kind of pride or awareness weeks. The general sentiment in these comments revolves around not understanding why Awareness Weeks of any sort exist. . Some people see these weeks as being pointless. When you are in a position of not feeling as though certain issues are a problem, recognize they aren’t a problem TO YOU. That is the definition of entitlement. . Awareness matters because it helps to break away the stigma and shame that’s associated with things such as mental health (as well as issues specific to marginalized populations). . Speaking specifically to Suicide, knowing what to do when someone is in distress is EMPOWERING. It loans you tools to know what to say/do, and how to encourage someone experiencing this much pain. . If you are the one in distress, it helps to normalize your experience. Debunking some myths surrounding suicide can help you look at things under a different perspective. . If you have ever had thoughts of ending your life, there is some comfort in knowing you aren’t the only person who has felt these things or thought these thoughts. It alleviates a lot of pressure and also makes you feel less like “something is wrong with you.” . Statistics show that depression affects 20-25% of Americans ages 18+, with only half receiving any kind of treatment or support for their depression. . Statistics also note that not all suicides are a result of longer term mental health issues such as depression or anxiety. . Some suicides were noted to be a result of experiencing distress as a result of feeling like a failure after losses such as jobs, divorce, or poor grades from school. . Awareness matters on so many levels. Build your knowledge by cultivating your own awareness. Especially with issues that do not impact you directly. It makes you a better human and citizen of this world. _____________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #nationalsuicidepreventionweek #suicideprevention #depression #sadness #hopeless #semicolon #getbetter #ineedhelp #emergency #crisis #autherapycoaching

Because sometimes you rather text than talk. . For #nationalsuicideawarenessweek, I wanted to promote resources for anyone who is secretly struggling and contemplating early life termination. . We live a digital world these days, where friends are more inclined and quicker to respond via text or email. . Sometimes it’s hard to speak. Sometimes talking about the pain causes your vocal chords to give way. . Or maybe you just can’t stop crying. . So what if actual verbalizing your concerns are difficult? Or what if you are speech impaired? . If you are anywhere in the United States, texting 741741 can connect you to someone to support you. Scroll right for Canada and United Kingdom text resources. . Talking about suicide doesn’t always lead to suicide. Instead it throws down a rope when you have fallen down the well and are drowning. Sometimes screaming for help can come in the form of a text. . . . [Illustration Credit] Screenshot from https://www.crisistextline.org. Log on today for more info. ________________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #nationalsuicidepreventionweek #suicideprevention #depression #sadness #hopeless #semicolon #getbetter #ineedhelp #emergency #crisis #psychiatrichospitalization #suicide #chooselife #livebetter #autherapycoaching

What to do if someone you know wants to “end it all.” . In honor of National Suicide Prevention Week, I’ve been inspired by the fellows at @theunshakableman to create a dialogue regarding how to help and empower friends and family members to help save lives. . If you happen to be in the presence of someone who expresses a strong sense of hopelessness and desire to terminate their lives, the best thing to do is LISTEN. . Yes, it is counterintuitive—your initial response will be to rattle of a list of reasons why they shouldn’t end their lives. “Don’t do it. You have so much to live for. It gets better, I promise.” . You might even find yourself wanting to include a list of people who would be devastated if they weren’t alive anymore. . If you are not trained to manage a crisis such as this, I would highly encourage you to take a moment to remind yourself that your role is to LISTEN first. . Listen to learn, NOT to fix. Many people who are actively expressing a sense of hopelessness are making attempts to communicate their pain and elicit the understanding of someone whom they trust. Giving reasons not to end their lives can create more shame and guilt for the person in pain, thus pushing them further into isolation and the desire to act on their thoughts. . Secondly, acknowledge you are not equipped as a crisis negotiator and DIRECT them to call the National Suicide Hotline and/or admit themselves into the emergency room. Be prepared to accompany them as they make this phone call or drive them there. . In the event of someone having plans and access to the means to execute their plans, DIAL 911 IMMEDIATELY. . Lastly, process the situation with a therapist person as hypervigilance, stress, anxiety, fear, depression, shame, guilt, confusion, and anger can emerge after you have sat with someone undergoing a psychiatric crisis. _____________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #nationalsuicidepreventionweek #suicideprevention #depression #sadness #hopeless #semicolon #getbetter #ineedhelp #emergency #crisis #psychiatrichospitalization #suicide #chooselife #livebetter #autherapycoaching

The Major Differences. . Because I happen to be both a “Therapist Person” and a “Life Coach Lady,” this is a common question that arises whenever I receive requests for consults regarding services. . Think of both disciplines as being less like siblings and more like cousins. Therapy and Life Coaching came from the same “grandparent,” however were raised under two different households. . As outlined in the photos above (scroll right to see all), there are minor differences as well as significant ones. More information is also available on my website (link in bio). . Although there is coaching in therapy, there is no therapy in coaching. . Contrary to popular belief, therapy is not always passive and involves you talking about your childhood while your psychotherapist takes notes on a notepad. Depending on your therapist’s disposition, sessions can be dynamic, active, and productive. . There is nothing wrong with seeking a therapist, and there’s also nothing silly about hiring a life coach. . Fun Fact: You can work with both a therapist AND a coach. You can even work with multiple coaches who focus on multiple respective goals. Wow! . . If you are interested in learning more about both therapy and life coaching, feel free to send me a DM. _____________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #therapyvscoaching #coaching #therapy #socialworker #lcsw #msw #lmft #familytherapy #groupcoaching #wellness #mentalhealthawareness #jrni #autherapycoaching

An exercise to try. . Several weeks ago, I noted how having needs does NOT make you needy. Identifying your needs on a daily basis encourages the practice of raising self awareness in the efforts to create a blueprint for yourself and for others. Knowing what you need today allows you to understand what part of yourself or your life is needing extra attention. The minute you call it out, you are able to connect the dots in terms of how to help yourself. It also provides some guidance to everyone you interact with on the best way to support you. _ TRY THIS NOW: . Repost to your stories and fill in the blank. . Decide how you can fulfill said need. . Let someone else know what you need to do. Elicit their help if necessary. . Comment below regarding your experience using this exercise. . If you are in need of a therapist person, I am actively taking clients in CA who are challenged with anxiety, depression, and trauma. Feel free to DM or visit my website to set up an initial consultation. . Coaching referrals available upon request! ____________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #coaching #therapy #ineededthistoday #jrni #help #autherapycoaching

Reminder. . In case you’re experiencing a significant ebb and flow of chaos. . Or if you’ve just been incredibly burnt out or rundown. . This message is for you. For us. . . . [Personal Photo] Circa 2016. Taken while touring Bali. ________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #autherapycoaching #youreawesome

Because Love Takes Time, Learn to Respect Yourself First. . It seems like everywhere you turn, the answer to a lot of your issues are to start practicing self love. . But… what if loving yourself doesn’t come that easily? What if loving yourself is too huge of an ask right now? . Be it yourself or someone else, the process of falling in love takes time. So if you aren’t at a place of being able to love yourself, start with SELF RESPECT. . Start by having an honest look at the ways in which you disrespect yourself— - Compromising your needs/wants for someone else. - Not keeping the promises or commitments you have to yourself. - Self harming behaviors (mutilation, binge behaviors of any sort, self directed physical abuse). - Self neglect (ignoring your own needs to eat, sleep, enjoy life, engage in healthy practices). - Verbal abuse in the form of negative self talk or body shaming. . Highly recommend to sort through underlying causes with a therapist person. Next, create GUIDELINES for how you would like to be respected and treated by others AND yourself. Lastly, engage in a daily practice of following those guidelines. Especially on the days you don’t feel like it. . . . If you’d like more info on how I may support you as a therapist person, feel free to send me a DM to inquire. . For additional support, I highly recommend the following Transformational Life Coaches who focus on the following topics and areas: - @lifejuggernaut :: specializing in helping others reconnect and fall back in love with themselves. - @kristinabalarezo :: helping women regain a sense of self love after experiencing emotional abuse and toxic relationships. - @_thisonelife_ :: therapist person + coach who works with people who are learning to engage in more self validation. - @thatswuzup13 :: those who are looking for new ways to gain self love/acknowledgement and finding their true self. _____________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #growth #selfrespect #selflove #nurtureme #jrni #lifecoaching #autherapycoaching

An Exercise to Cultivate Self Compassion + Self Love. . Sharing an exercise I use with both coaching and therapy clients to help enhance their own positive self regard, cultivate more self compassion, and engaging in more nurturance. . Helpful tips to complete this exercise: take your time and don’t scroll to the next video until you’re finished writing everything down. . Additionally, Kristin Neff has a test on her website (www.self-compassion.org) where you can receive an actual quantifiable score measuring your self compassion. . . . Humbled to have received inquiries for both therapy and coaching sessions. While I still actively open for THERAPY, I am currently at capacity with COACHING and will not be open to taking new clients until October 1, 2019. . HOWEVER, if you are looking to work with a coach to build up an actionable plan to work on engaging in more self love and self compassion, I highly recommend you follow and reach out to these awesome coaches: @jeff_the_writer : Self Compassion + raising your “Self Compassion Test Score” (currently offering 20 minute discovery sessions). - @gofitjo : Self Compassion + love + body positivity + embracing your identity + reclaiming your power as a #womaninprogress. - @islandflowyoga : Self Compassion for female teens and adults. - @littlegreenguru : Self Love for professionals in the helping field (social workers, educators, and responders). - @nurturemeforward : Self compassion for those working towards Post Traumatic Growth. - @kd.lifecoaching : Self compassion for younger adults aged 18 through 35. _____________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #growth #selfcompassion #selflove #nurtureme #jrni #lifecoaching #autherapycoaching

Flash Foward Friday. . One of my favorite things to do with clients is help them begin to integrate minor shifts that create larger impacts. Sometimes it feels disingenuous to jump from an “I can’t” to an “I CAN” mentality. When you aren’t at a point of fully believing that you can, sometimes you have to meet yourself where you’re at. Sometimes it’s means acknowledging how much of a challenge it is RIGHT NOW... yet recognizing the possibility, probability, potential, and reality of it happening later down the road. Affixing the word “... yet” to any belief you have about your inability to do something or attain activates your mind to recognize possibilities and potential. When you add the “...yet,” you actuate potential by being more curious of the “when.” That tiny pivot can change your entire trajectory if you allow it. What’s one thing you’ve been telling yourself you can’t do...yet? ___________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #pivot #change #growthmindset #growthmentality #grow #livebetter #lifecoaching #goals #autherapycoaching #flashfowardfriday

A Follow Up To Yesterday’s Post. . If you were never taught how to be comfortable sitting with and managing your own big feelings, chances are very high you will struggle with support someone else who is going through a hard time. Your first initial instinct will be to say “Everything is going to be okay,” or “You’ll get over it soon.” Our “discomfort reflex” will automatically trigger blanket responses of “you’ll be fine.” Although your intentions are genuine, when someone is in pain what they need most is to be seen, heard, validated, and supported. So how do you support someone who is currently going through a difficult time without engaging in Toxic Positivity? First: Acknowledge your discomfort and/or recognize what comes up for you. Identify what it is you’re most uncomfortable with. Then: Inform your person if you are at a loss for words and don’t know what to say. Sometimes silence can cause someone to believe that (a) you aren’t listening, (b) don’t care, or (c) you are judging them for not being able to handle their feelings. Let them know they are SEEN and HEARD. And most importantly: Ask them directly how you can be of support and what ways you could help them through a difficult time. Be prepared to receive the answer of “I don’t know.” . Supporting someone else does not mean taking on the responsibility for making their feelings go away or finding a way to make it better. It means giving them permission to feel their feelings and undergo their own emotional process… with you being there along the way. . . . [Personal Photo] Casey the Golden Retriever providing emotional support. _____________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #growth #holdingspace #autherapycoaching

On Feeling Invalidated and Dismissed. . Sometimes those around you just don’t know how to support you for various reasons. And it sucks. Before you go into an active shame spiral about feeling the way you do, refer back to this post. __________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #depression #anxiety #recovery #loneliness #friendships #support #gethelp #autherapycoaching #jrni

On Growth Periods and Creation Phases. . Be it a project, big break, or major move, there comes a time in everyone’s life where they silently sow and await for their trajectories to change. Sometimes, this is a period of transition: a time after heartache, such as divorce or the loss of a loved one; a missed opportunity or a chance for something else that “got away.” But if you are working towards something, the lack of immediate feedback or results can feel like nothing is happening. It can trick someone into believing time is being wasted, the effort is for nothing, and because nothing is happening now, nothing will happen at all. “Growth Periods” can make a person feel all sorts of feelings—restlessness, anxiety, impatience, despair, and doubtful… all intertwined with hope, excitement, and joy. “Creation Phases” can also bring about a lot of pressure, especially when all eyes are watching. Although there is no real way to get through it other than to go through it, here is one thing to bear in mind how your gestation period does not mean nothing is happening. It just means you are currently “in progress.” Keep building. Keep working. Keep on, keeping on. You’ll get there. It’ll happen soon. . . . [Personal Photo] Time is being invested in all the right areas. Although I’ve refrained from going into detail, there are so many moves being made behind the scenes. I am both terrified and excited, anxiously awaiting how this time of creating and growth will unfold. _____________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #growth #autherapycoaching

It’s Hard to do Something You Were Never Taught to do. . Early on in my career working as a self development coach, I used to think reminding someone to love themselves was enough. However, as my careers of being a coach + psychotherapist begin to mature, my understanding of the true barriers behind why folks are so hard on themselves are more than just “not remembering.” One of the major barriers to learning how to be loving, compassionate, and gentle on yourself is when you were never taught how or given the permission to be. The more I look into the stages of development, the more I become aware of why things are so hard and why reminders don’t work. Therapy does a wonderful job of identifying and helping to rewrite those narratives. Self development and life coaching does wonders on helping you stay accountable and on top of flexing those habits on a regular. Without the foundational work complete, the ability to execute all these wonderful suggestions made by therapist people, life coaches, and IG inspiration posts is handicapped. You’re basically trying to find a solution to a calculus problem when you never learned algebra. So if you’re trying incredibly hard on your own or with a coach and finding yourself stuck... might be time to slide onto a therapist person’s sofa for inner child work. _______ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #livebetterfeelbetter #growth #depression #resources #connection #happiness #innerchildwork #autherapycoaching

Why You Need People Even if Depression Makes You Want To Be Alone All The Time. . I cannot stress how important it is to fight the feeling of wanting to isolate when you are experiencing a depressive episode. False beliefs will try to convince you otherwise, with distortions leading you in the direction of thinking you will only be a burden to others or bring them down. The more disconnected we are from others, the deeper we fall down the depressive rabbit hole. Although alone time can be healthy, social and emotional isolation can be catastrophic. Isolation of any kind can deepen depression by increasing shame/guilt, decreasing hope, and even impacting physical health. It seems counterintuitive, but the best possible thing you could do to combat depression is to connect with others. . Although friends and family can be a line of defense against depression, sometimes they are also the cause of depression. Even after ruling them out, you can still access support through other outlets. Here are a couple resources to consider: • Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (www.dbsalliance.org) offers free in-person support groups. • 7 Cups of Tea (www.7cups.com) is an online chat-based community. • Consider a Therapist Person (DM if you need support in accessing resources). • Join a local meet up group (www.meetup.com) for recreational activities while making friends. And if socializing with humans seems too much, consider volunteering at an animal shelter, sanctuary, or consider Equine Therapy as a way to connect and befriend another being. . . . [Personal Photo] Sometimes life can get lonely when you are chasing your ambitions and/or don’t get to see your favorite people as often as you’d like. Women’s weekend out helped to reconnect some very ambitious people to celebrate a new chapter in one of our best gal pal’s life. _____________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #livebetterfeelbetter #growth #depression #resources #connection #happiness #helpyourself #gethelp #autherapycoaching

Sometimes The Best Course of Action is… None. . Have you ever forced an issue and made a snap judgement or hurried decision you regretted soon after? If you are challenged with impatience by way of anxiety and/or other reasons, doing “nothing” feels like emotional torture. It feels like you aren’t doing nothing to help further a situation or find a solution. Stopping yourself from acting and engaging in restraight may yield results impatience would have otherwise thwarted. When we force situations in the efforts to control our anxiety, we are more likely to create more distress and potentially other problems to find solutions to. This includes our attempts to rush other people: either physically to do something or emotionally to make a decision or to change. Taking pause seems counterintuitive, especially when you’ve conditioned yourself to treat things with a sense of urgency. However there is so much magic in learning to be still: • Increased tolerance of Distress • Indirect creation of a Mindfulness Practice • Over a course of time, learning Anxiety Management in developing a sense of trust and faith in yourself to handle whatever outcome • Creation of opportunity in other areas/things you focus on • Reduction of overall stress and crazy making by attempting to control a situation you cannot control Transitioning over from being a “HUMAN DOING” to a “HUMAN BEING” is difficult and uncomfortable. It will take time to adjust and for your level of comfort in a “hands off approach” has to be built over time. Don’t give up right away. . . . (continued in post below)

Arrest Development is Not Just a Show. . Unless you managed to graduate from childhood without any significant impact, there is a chance parts of you are impacted by some form of arrested development. Between birth til about 12 years old, children are naturally self-centered/focus. It’s all about “‘me and what I want, when I want it, and how I want it.” From age 12-24 are some of the most challenging years where independence and abstractions start to emerge. Children begin to gain insight about how others think and feel, and more importantly how their behaviors can influence others. Someone with arrested development tends to present as an adult... until they get hurt or don’t get what they want. Thus sparking an “adult tantrum,” which can often times look or feel like guilt trips, manipulation/game playing, retaliation, intentional verbal assault, or general immature responses to pain. It is a semi-automatic response, and unless someone has done the work or strong insights about their behavioral responses, they will constantly run into interpersonal issues with others OR engage in inappropriate behaviors. So how do you move through this? Whenever you experience distress or emotional discomfort, ask yourself where you go. • What thoughts are you thinking? • What impulsive behaviors were you thinking of engaging in? • What ways of making the bad feelings go away do you reach for? • How willing are you to consider the other person’s position AND take accountability for what role you played? . Once you have a starting point, ask yourself whether or not there might be wounded inner child acting out. If so, it might be time to reach out to a therapist person. If someone’s wounded inner child is showing, know you aren’t responsible for parenting them. Adopt strong boundaries and determine how to manage your feelings without colluding with their issues. _______ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #therapy #innerchildwork #innerchildhealing #betterrelationship #livebetter #autherapycoaching

Dear Women, We got it all wrong. We were never meant to create a revolution—we were meant to inspire an EVOLUTION. We were meant to speak truths about our oppression, not to become an oppressor. We were meant to advocate for our needs, not create adversaries. In our quest to rise above it all, we rose too high and became unreachable. Instead of upholding the values of Feminism, we started turning into FemiNazis. Although I share an unfavorable view of “The Patriarchy,” I’m afraid we are beginning to adopt the role of aggressor. While men will never understand what it’s like to be a woman, we have to admit to ourselves how little understanding of what it’s like to be a man. Many women have been hurt by a man. But... have we ever stopped to think about how many men have also been hurt by their own kind? Hurt people hurt other people, regardless of gender orientation. Instead of turning against our male counterparts, we need to turn towards them. If we want our society to recovery from some of this division, we need to build bridges. Not burn them. . And since I am not a man, my scope of competence only goes so far as what I’ve observed and have been receptive to learning. Since our men need a voice too, I am learning to listen. More importantly, I am listening to learn. Grateful for the growing number of men opening up the conversation to help redefine masculinity and build better men: @clopey @kreedsoldier @travelingbarkeep @robertxalcantara @theangrytherapist @lifejuggernaut @_victorung @thekindfulnesscoach @trustgreene @jeff_the_writer . . . [Personal Photo] MY man, @rage_e . My protector, provider, nurturer, adventure partner, bringer of food & laughter, teacher of math, favorite musician, and indirect life coach. Thank you for being my ally and for reminding me that men deserve to be seen and heard, too. _____________ #mancrushmonday #mcm #men #menshealth #mensissues #feminism #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #therapy #therapist #livebetterdobetter #happiness #love #lifegoals #autherapycoaching

Out with the Old; In with the New. . I’ve decided to take less time doing #throwbackthursday and start a new personal trend of looking ahead. . Instead of always looking at photos and remembering the past, what if we looked ahead instead? What if we smiled as much thinking about the future as we do thinking about the past? What if we looked ahead instead of looked back? What are you looking forward to? Where would you like to see yourself? __________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #therapy #positivepsychology #lifecoach #therapist #socialworker #lookahead #forwardnotbackwards #flashforwardfriday #autherapycoaching

Don’t Be THAT Friend. . It’s hard to watch your loved ones suffer. Whether they are experiencing a crisis, managing symptoms of anxiety/depression, in a state of panic, recovering from trauma/addiction, or in an emotional place you can’t stand to see them in, the most harmful thing you can do is attempt to rush their emotional process. I get it. It’s frustrating and painful to see someone you care about marry their feelings and struggle to divorce themselves from whatever it is that’s causing them distress. However, I’m going to politely invite you to check yourself. Are you more concerned about their well being… Or are you actually just uncomfortable being in the presence of big feelings—yours or theirs? . Healing takes time. You can’t rush through the recovery process. Moving through an emotional experience, crisis, panic attack, or difficult situation requires patience as well as understanding. Rushing someone through their de-escalation cycle doesn’t work. In most cases, it actually extends the entire cycle; the disruption in their process can kick up their arousal state, causing them to re-escalate and resetting time to recover. Or… you may indirectly be encouraging them to engage in avoidance, thus postponing their ability to heal all other. Instead of supporting the need to heal, you’re now colluding with their unhealthy coping strategies… and thus making them believe something is “wrong” with them for “not being over it.” . So what can you do? First: Ask your loved one what they need and how you could be in support. Two: Respect their wishes. Allow them to process in the way they need to, in however long they need to. Three: Sit with your own discomfort and frustration. Ask yourself where your feelings are coming from? Four: Offer space, but take your own space as well. Interpersonal relationships are challenging. Not because they’re hard, but because there’s often times a focus on settling OUR feelings before taking into consideration what OTHERS need from us. [continued in comments] . . .

On Low Grade and High Functioning Depression. . The belief that symptoms of depression must involve staying in bed all day, uncontrollable crying, thoughts of suicide, over or undereating, isolation, and hopelessness has caused many people to assume certain behaviors are a result of being lazy when, in fact, it is depression. Depression operates on a continuum, with variations that allow low grade depression and functioning depression. Both forms of depression exhibit some of the typical internal symptoms of depression (i.e. lowered interest in activities, decreased pleasure), but the difference lies in their behavioral output— Someone with low grade or high functioning depression is able to complete some tasks and engage socially… But they struggle to focus and to do a number of things. There are also differences in how depression manifests amongst gender and age. Men are more inclined to exhibit more irritability and anger. Children engage in more refusal to complete chores, irritability, and behavioral outbursts. Women are more likely to internalize and engage in self blame. . Before making any accusations that you or someone else is seen as being lazy, consider reviewing pics 2-3 to see if any of the not so obvious signs are present. . If 2+ signs are present and there is a desire to manage those symptoms, consult/contact your local therapist person or send me a DM. _____________ #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #therapy #therapist #depression #lowgradedepression #highfunctioningdepression #moodimprovement #livebetterdobetter #happiness #love #lifegoals #livebetter #livehappier #conquerdepression #autherapycoaching

120 Minutes Can Save You $120 on Medical Bills. . Published and posted on NewScientist.com, a study conducted in 2017 revealed how spending at least two hours a week in nature could reduce stress levels and improve the quality of your life. . 2 hours can sometimes feel super unreasonable, especially when you live in “the real world.” Having responsibilities (a full time job, supplementary work, family duties, personal commitments, etc.) and/or living in an urban environment can make this incredibly challenging. A few times for getting in green time: • Commit to 20 minutes daily or 2 hours in one day • Search for local hiking trails, parks, or gardens in your area • Visit local garden nurseries and fresh air shop • Consider Plant Parenthood and adopt some plant babies • Plan a fresh air adventure with your friends/family/partner/pet • Join an outdoor activity group • Picnic in the park . Living in Los Angeles and having numerous obligations, I make it a point to plan fresh air adventures with my partner. In addition to camping and random drives out, we also have a few green babies to nurture. . Regardless of what you choose, exercise mindfulness and disconnect completely. Airplane mode is your best friend. . . [Personal Photos] @rage_e and I went on a fresh air adventure with friends for several days. Camping, splashing around in a creek, admiring the wildflowers in the meadows, and loving up on some giant trees. _________ #optoutside #explore #greatoutdoors #getoutside #unplug #notesfromyourtherapist #notesfromyourlifecoach #autherapycoaching

When Your Mind Is Out To Get You. . Unhelpful thinking patterns do way more harm than good. They cause us to believe certain things about ourselves, about others, and can often times be the major barrier when it comes to living happier in our various life domains.* . Photos 2 and 3 (source: positivepsychology.com) provide examples of the different patterns of thinking that end up creating more harm than good. . Elicit the assistance of a therapist person to help you learn about and appropriate execute the use of Cognitive Behavior Therapy and its interventions. ** . . . *Especially a special class of thoughts such as delusions or hallucinations. . **Although there is a lot of information out there regarding CBT and how to use it, there are variations and nuances overlooked by someone who isn’t trained to use it. Self Help is great when used as a reference guide, but it is always important work with a therapist person until you fully learn how to use these tools independently. _____________ #notesfromyourtherapist #therapy #lifecoach #therapist #CBT #unhelpfulthinking #cognitivedistortions #needs #healthyrelationships #toxicrthoughts #livebetterdobetter #happiness #love #lifegoals #relationshipbetter #autherapycoaching

On Being A Safe Space For Others. . Emotional Safety can be defined as reaching a state in a relationship that encourages full transparency and embraces vulnerability. . Although assumed to only be directed towards romantic relationships, creating emotional safety is important in EVERY interpersonal relationship. . When you allow someone to show up as themselves, you help alleviate pressures from the need to be perfect in order to be worthy of acceptance, affection, and attention. . As a parent, holding space for your child means giving them permission to feel all of their feelings. It means allowing them to throw tantrums because managing big feelings is tough for a little person. It means acting as a guide and model for navigating through these feelings instead of silencing them. . As a friend or as a partner, it means supporting your friend by sitting with them in the darkness instead of forcefully dragging them into the light. Holding space means being there for your partner and sitting with them in the overwhelm exactly the way you would during times of celebration. It means restraining the desire to change or fix, but rather to support and love. . When we hold space for someone else, it becomes less about us and more about the person who needs us to be there. . Be the safe space your loved ones deserve. _____________ #notesfromyourtherapist #therapy #lifecoach #therapist #holdspace #needs #healthyrelationships #consciousparenting #livebetterdobetter #happiness #love #couplegoals #parentinggoals #relationshipbetter #relationshipcoach #familycounseling #autherapycoaching

The Next Time Someone Calls You Needy. . Before you go convincing yourself there is something wrong you and automatically labeling yourself as codependent, I encourage you to take a moment to assess the situation. - 1. Take an objective look at what you’re asking for in your relationship. If you’ve communicated your most basic needs in your relationship, you are giving your partner a guide on what you need to be happy. You giving specific instructions on how you like to be seen and heard, and it is, without a doubt, a reasonable request. Having needs DOES NOT make you needy. It makes you human. - 2. Be honest in your evaluation of your partner. Are they typically happy to meet your needs? Or, are they only receptive when it is most convenient to them? How did they deliver their feedback of you? Was it done with kindness? Or was it done in a combative manner with the intent to push you away? Is it possible they do not have the emotional capacity to meet yours needs? - 3. Acknowledge your own behavioral patterns. Is this an isolated incident? Or is this a pattern that has manifested in other relationships? . . There’s a difference between being Codependent and being made to believe you are by someone with an avoidant attachment style and distancer relationship pattern. . By automatically assuming another person is right about who we are, we ourselves to believe we are wrong for having needs and for asking those needs to be met. . Independent does not mean not needing. It means being free from control or influence of someone else. . Let that sit for a second. __________ #notesfromyourtherapist #therapy #lifecoach #therapist #codependentnomore #codependency #needs #healthyrelationships #toxicrelationship #selfish #livebetterdobetter #happiness #love #couplegoals #relationshipbetter #relationshipcoach #couplescounseling #autherapycoaching

On Telling Everyone You’re Fine, When You’re Really Not. . I used to watch the show Hoaders, a reality show depicting the struggles and recovery process of a person challenged with Hoarding Disorder. . Without any insights about clinical development, many people make assumptions about people with the compulsion to collect and/or experience distress when feeling threatened to discard their belongings. . But there’s WAY more to it than stubborn or materialistic. . It got me thinking about hoarding in general— the things we collect and are challenged to let go. . Emotions. Big feelings. Pain, shame, disappointment, heartaches. . When we invite others into our physical and emotional spaces, we bare all. Regardless of how much we try to “clean up,” repeated visits are telling of how we truly live. . So we hide. . And the more we hide, the harder we have to try and pretend everything it’s fine. . It’s a vicious cycle that causes us to sink further and fall away faster from the people who love us. . Disconnection is a cause of depression. . As my fellow “therapist + life coaching person” friend @alvely_writes says, connection creates change. . So how do we break away from the desire to hoard our emotions? . Start with identifying at least one person you trust. Someone who avoids Toxic Positivity. Someone who asks you what you need and respects your wishes. . Let them in. Even if it’s only for a moment. . Surround yourself around others who can hold space for you, and who trust you to on the same. . Work through some of the bigger, scarier emotions to face with a therapist person. . Allow yourself to retreat for a moments time. Anticipate a vulnerability hangover. . Lastly, be patient with yourself. . The longer you’ve been away, the more resistance you might feel. _________ #therapy #notesfromyourtherapist #healing #recovery #selfdevelopment #livebetterfeelbetter #depression #mentalhealth #lifecoach #lonelinesssucks #connection #createchange #bethechange #autherapycoaching

You Are NOT Your Diagnosis. . Listen up. . As your “Therapist + Life Coach Person” friend, I want you to acknowledge something important. . We as members of society have done ourselves a disservice by relying on labels to define us. . ESPECIALLY when it comes to our physical and emotional health. . It is a habit we are all guilty of, including the way we refer to others. . Early on in my career working as a Behavior Interventionist, I was fortunate enough to be trained by a supervisor who believed in a “People First” model. . Her in-service was the reason why I stopped referring to my clients as “Autistic kids.” I started calling them a “child who has Autism.” . Why? . Because we are people first. We are people who happen to face certain challenges. . We HAVE certain ailments that cause symptoms. We are NOT those symptoms. . The problem with “I am” lies in internalizing and integrating a medical or mental health condition into our identities. . It reduces us into illnesses before people. . It creates the limiting belief of “this is who I am and it will never change.” . It’s harmful and hurtful to identify yourself as being a “sick person” instead of a person attempting to manage the symptoms of a condition. . It also reduces other people down to a label. . It takes away all of their interests, hopes, dreams, and essential parts of their being. Thus imprinting associations about their conditions upon them. . Using “the people first” model takes some time getting used to. . But once you do it, you create a habit and the butterfly effect of growing into being a better human. __________ #peoplefirst #languageispower #chooselove #beabetterhuman #notesfromyourtherapist #therapy #lifecoach #catalystlifecoach #livebetter #selfhelp #growthmindset #grow #autherapycoaching #autismawareness #selfdevelopment #progress #positivepsychology #chronicillnesswarrior

When Positivity Turns Toxic and Blinding. . Like all things in life, everything operates on a continuum. . There’s too little, but there’s also too much. . Positivity, when used appropriately and in moderation, enhances a person’s mood and outlook. . However, there is such as thing as Toxic Positivity [as noted in photo 2]. . As a “therapist person,” I see positivity being very similar to Alcohol. . Meaning it can be abused and used as a way to encourage an unhealthy way of coping. . If your immediate instinct is to use positivity as a means of avoiding negative feelings, check in with yourself to see how this impacts your self esteem. . Ask yourself, “Is this actually helping?” . When you are quick to acknowledge your pain, you lose sight of the importance of experience. . Feelings are not facts. They’re feedback. . When you FEEL bad, it does not mean you ARE bad. . Instead, approach the feeling with a little compassion and curiosity. Ask yourself what it you are feeling and what you actually need. . If your immediately response is to create a positive diversion when SOMEONE ELSE is experiencing big feelings, you might also be inadvertently engaging in promoting toxic positivity. . By immediately jumping the gun and going straight towards the statements provided by @sitwithwhit in photo 2, you run a few risks. . Alienating someone by ignoring their need to be seen, heard, and supported. . Reinforcing the belief they are wrong for feeling the way they do. . Potentially promoting the distortion that something is wrong with them for being upset or overwhelmed. . So how do you support someone who is going through it? . Sit. Listen. Ask. . Ask then what they need to feel supported. Everyone has an idea of what is helpful and what is not. Respect their process and provide as they ask. . Acknowledge. Validate. . Hard things are hard. Let’s stop pretending that things are easy. Let’s start normalizing how challenging life is. . Learn to resist using positivity as an emotional exit plan. . Train yourself slowly to welcome big feelings. The more you do, the easy they become to manage when they show up. _____________

Give Yourself Permission. . To define what happiness is, as well as what it looks and feels like. . To decide what you love, who you love, and how you love. . To divest in illness; to reinvest in wellness. . To divert from a fixed mindset; to establish a growth mindset. . To heal and recover on YOUR terms. . . . My personal challenge as a “therapist person + wellness professional” is being pressured into believing there’s only one way to heal, recover, grow, and love. . This mentality ignores the individual... and all of the beautiful things that make each person special. . It fails to recognize the importance of intersectionality— the key factors that contribute to a person’s development and preferences. . It sets people up for failure and emotional duress when they feel to meet a standard someone else defined for them. . It perpetuates stigma and reinforces the belief of never being enough. . For those who are ready to do life on their terms, start by asking yourself one question: . ”What makes me feel free?” _____ #therapy #therapymemes #healingjourney #lifecoach #healing #wellness #happinessquotes #life #recovery #nonbinary #selfacceptance #traumarecovery #autherapycoaching